Sleepless Mommy-Nukegirl

What's Annoying Me Today

2009-06-18T09:09:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we checked the mail and discovered that my subscription to Electronic Gaming Monthly, which folded in January, has been replaced. By Maxim.

Okay, I get it. EGM and Maxim are designed to appeal to the same hip, youngish, savvy male crowd. I, who went to a women's college, love Jane Austen, have a membership to the local botanic garden and volunteer at the zoo and an architecturally significant historical site, am NOT the model demographic for either magazine.

But still. People who play video games can no longer be lumped into one greasy, unsocial demographic. Games have changed over the years. I know plenty of moms who regularly use their Wii Fit. I have a pink DS. I have an XBox gamer tag. I have a preorder waiting for me at Gamestop; I have a frequent buyer Best Buy card and I know how to use it.

Admittedly, I don't have time to play RPGs much anymore and it's been years since I was fragbait. Today my gaming comes in bite-size pieces and I tend to play puzzle games and 1 vs. 100 more than adventure games. But I still enjoy learning about new games coming out, about the industry, keeping track of people I knew.

Maxim is a totally different animal. Last night before bed I flipped through it. I discovered that Penn Gillette had a column. Personally I don't agree with his stance on cereal marshmallows but I like his style, and I read his article completely through. But come on. Jennifer Love Hewitt, one of the hottest 100 women? One of the hottest 10 women?

Clearly I don't think like the average Maxim reader. Think I'll hand the mag over to my husband and bury myself in his Vegetarian Times instead.

My Son Turns 4

2009-05-25T07:24:00.004-05:00

This morning my son walks into my room and says, "Mommy, do you think I'm four yet?"

Cute kid. We had his birthday party yesterday, and it was just wonderful. We had it at a local nature preserve, the same one where we got married, and the coolest thing happened. Apparently in the morning a deer had settled into the grass maybe 30 feet from the walk and very close to the program barn where the party was being held. My husband saw it, and so the kids at the party were able to see the deer and her two fawns, who were still wet and trying to stand for the first time.

The kids also got to see tadpoles, pet a snake and a turtle and take a nature walk. It was a drop-off party, but the parents who really wanted to stay were able to stay, and everything worked out so well. I had enough favors for everyone and their siblings, and the pizza was late but came just in time--just as the kids had sat back down at the tables to eat. I'm rather proud it turned out so well, since I planned it all myself. Of course my husband helped, and it's not like I could have foreseen the deer giving birth within sight of the party, but it's going to be hard to top this one!

Afterwards a friend and her also-almost-4-year-old daughter came over. We'd gotten a double of something and no gift receipt for it, so it was my son's own idea to give her the present instead. And our last trip to the zoo he'd insisted on buying her a little gift, a necklace with a butterfly enclosed in a heart, which she loved. She said, "It's special because it's from (my son)," and insisted on wearing it right away even though at first we couldn't get the catch to open.

I think I'm still recovering from the party, even though it was almost a day ago at this point. It took me a very long time to get to sleep last night. I was feeling a little sad at the fact my son is getting so big. After he went to bed my husband went to check on him, saying that he wanted to see him one more time as a three year old. And I thought about where I was on this day four years ago, in the hospital, and how I felt on my first glimpse of him.

Today is his real birthday, and we're going to let him watch "Star Wars" for the first time. It also happens to be the 32nd anniversary of "Star Wars." Turns out they share a birthday.

Life Moves at Warp Speed...

2009-05-18T19:07:00.002-05:00

It's hard for me to believe that it's almost the end of May already. Where did the time go?

I've decided that what I really need to do in my life is stop overcommitting myself. Easier said than done. At this point it seems like I have something scheduled for every weekend this summer, and it's only May. And it's already been action-packed, what with work, Coachella, then my birthday, then Wright Plus, plus Fire games and Red Stars games.

I actually had a really nice birthday. It fell on Mother's Day this year, and also happened to coincide with a friend from graduate school's visit to Chicago. So the night before my birthday I had dinner with two friends at my favorite Chinese restaurant, and it was great to catch up with them. On the morning of my birthday my husband and son made me breakfast in bed (simple, it's true, but nice nonetheless). And they delivered it to me on a brand-new cookie sheet. I've been wanting one because my husband somehow ruins them all and LIKES them that way...so we've agreed that he'll use the old ones and the new one is mine and mine alone. It's the little things. I also got a Sony Reader to replace my old one which is not Vista-compatible, and promptly spent a few hours on tech support trying to get the thing up and running. That was not fun. But the day ended with three more friends meeting us at the Red Stars game, and I got a message on the Jumbotron and free chocolate and everything. I've already killed the plant I received along with every other mom. I've never been known for my green thumb.

Wright Plus is one of my favorite events of the year. For some reason I love waxing not quite eloquent about architecture in the open air for two minutes at a time, trying to adjust my spiel to allow for the maximum traffic flow. I feel useful, I guess. This year I asked to be put in the same house as the people who captained my house last year, and did not regret it at all. I had a blast. I ran backpacks, covered for people on break, spent two hours talking about the family who lived in the house over and over again and enjoyed the weather. The after-party is also fantastic. I love the whole experience. I actually said in the survey I'd be willing to take on a leadership role next year, but I'm already rethinking that. It'll be five days after my birthday, 10 days before my son's birthday...what was I thinking?

Anyway, that's about all for now, if only because my son is waiting for me to quit so we can read some bedtime stories.

Bored

2009-05-01T14:12:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here waiting for my husband to return from his soccer game so I can leave his office. I have plenty of other places I need to be, but no, I'm stuck because there's some guy here assembling a desk and someone needs to be here just in case.

At least the building process is entertaining my son.

I keep wanting to write about my Coachella experience, but haven't had the time. Too many other things to do. Admittedly many of those items on my place are commitments of my own making. Still, I haven't had lunch today, and I'm not going to get any until after I go see a cat I'm pet-sitting, who I should have visited two hours ago because I have to go see him again tonight. I'm not sure how that's going to fit in my schedule now, considering my son isn't having a nap and will have to go to bed early.

Sorry, I think I'm grumpy because I'm hungry. I will attempt to do something entertaining, since I've got the time, apparently; random fill in the blank meme from thedailymeme.com

here we go.

1. The first rule of working in an office and getting along is being considerate of one another.

2. I think clams are more interesting alive than dead.

3. When I think of carnivals I think of clowns and that Batman I Spy book of my son's where you have to find the bad guys among the carnival stuff.

4. Calla lilies are my favorite spring flower. Maybe. Although I don't even know which flowers are spring and which aren't. I also like a good hydrangea.

5. Things on my desk include papers, pens, a virtual pet, a schedule book and a computer.

6. Opposition to gay marriage makes me wanna shake up Washington D.C. and get rid of the haters.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to very little, tomorrow my plans include volunteering and a Fire game and Sunday, I want to rest but I have to go to a volunteer training session!

Things Are Looking Up, and Paranoia

2009-03-17T08:49:00.002-05:00

Spring is slowly coming, and other than being awoken this morning at 5 a.m. by a retching cat only to discover ants all over the bedroom, I find things seem better in my life. I've resolved my son's summer schedule, figured out how I can do the Wright Plus housewalk this year and survived a weird catfight by email over my fan fiction list. I have a new pet bird that is giving me a chance to exert myself in wholesome ways, and I'm using the Wii Fit regularly. Also I've been ordering organic groceries from www.freshpicks.com and that's giving us a great variety of really amazing organic fruits to eat. Until yesterday, I even managed to spend less money. I'm making a lot of headway on organizing a certain boy's birthday party and I'm finally getting us in for annual doctor's appointments.

I feel a little odd, because that email fight highlighted to me how much of an outsider I am in some ways. Both factions emailed me privately to invite me to see their point of view, which I did, and now I remain on the list while everyone else who expressed a certain opinion was banned from it. I also joined the new list created by these folks, but don't feel unconstrained or capable of just making fun of everything. I'm walking the line, and it's the story of my life. It's flattering to be wanted in a lukewarm way, but yet I never seem to be wholeheartedly accepted into the fold. Always shortlisted, never hired (remember that job I mentioned last time?); always a finalist but never a winner; always the bridesmaid...well, you get the picture.

Not that this is always a bad thing. I have perspective that some others probably can't have because of where they're positioned. I can be more objective.

Lately I've been paranoid, too. I'm not usually given to fits of fear over things I cannot control, but having a kid has changed me a bit. All these plane crashes in the news lately, and every time I'm in the Borders I see this books that claim the world will end in 2012, random killings, post-apocalyptic movies...The fact I have a trip coming up where my husband and I are leaving my son in the hands of my mom probably doesn't help. She'll be fine, but she doesn't drive and he's a bundle of energy and we're going on a plane without him. Aargh. And my husband is leaving for Las Vegas in a few days, which means I won't have help if I get into some crazy accident.

I know. I'm just panicking myself over silly things. But last night at 10 I went upstairs to get the cat out of my son's room only to find him squatting on the floor clawing it with one hand. He went straight to bed with no resistance, and never really responded to me or spoke. Was he sleepwalking? Do I have to worry about that now, too?

I just need to calm down and remember that everything's fine. Like I said, things really are looking up. I swear.

Sucker

2009-03-09T07:59:00.002-05:00

I'm brooding today.

I just realized while I was sleeping that I cannot do the Wright Plus housewalk this year. I had signed up and my husband assured me we could make it work even though he had to be in Iowa City for his mom's house closing (figures it would fall on my mother-in-law, who makes life difficult for me even when she isn't trying). Then I thought about it and realized that even if I could get a babysitter to commit to Friday evening AND Saturday all day, that would be at least $150 worth of babysitting to pay for just for Saturday. I can't justify that, so I had to cancel.

There is very little more disappointing to me than missing this event. I have an annual conflict because my alumnae club does its annual meeting on the same day. I was forced to skip Wright Plus for a couple of years running because I was the programming VP (and thus, in charge of the annual meeting), and I hated having to do it. It takes place ONE TIME a year, and I can't do it. I'm going to be annoyed about this for months until I can get some perspective. Even then, I'm not sure I will be able to get over it.

They won't allow kids into the houses, or else I'd just take my son to it as a visitor. I'm up a creek, and feeling low. My husband has assured me he'll make sure I can go next year, which I don't find very comforting because in the past all my conflicts have been self-imposed, so in a normal year it wouldn't be a problem anyway. So I'm the only one making a sacrifice. I think it's worse this year because I don't have a choice, and it's not a decision I can make for myself. I have to cancel. Period.

Maybe instead I'll make it a point to do some volunteering at the home and studio, which I have a hard time doing over the course of the year because of my zoo volunteer commitments. Frankly, the zoo takes precedence because my son wouldn't get anything about of Frank Lloyd Wright at this age.

Sigh.

Rainy Saturday Musings

2009-03-07T09:08:00.002-06:00

Lately, I'm feeling a bit bored with my life. A large part of this is probably due to the weather--even when I'm doing something fun it feels dreary. Yesterday we had a nice day, and my son and I spent it at a local nature preserve watching turtles, snakes and ducks skid to a landing on the remaining ice in the pond. He's getting stir-crazy--he's said to me several times something to the effect of, "Winter is so, so long!" He's always wanting to play baseball outside, and he's been bugging me to go to the zoo. According to the forecast, though, we've got another week or two of 30-40 degree weather coming up. Whee.

I'm also spent part of the week stressed out about summer camp options and the fall schedule. I was in the middle of searching for a new babysitter, but our current one may be able to remain with us for a little while longer so I've put that off.

I even applied for a new job, probably just to give myself a change of...something. It would be 10 hours a week on top of the one I already have (which still only adds up to about 22 hours a week for me), and they're doing that thing where in order to get the job you have to get on the site and "beta-test" it. Basically, they're getting free work out of you until they decide to go with someone else. Whatever. Sadly, I'm so addicted to networking sites I went on anyway to see what it was all about. I certainly don't need the extra drain on my time. But, it's a cute site and I may change my mind. There are only about 1000 people on it right now. I just haven't decided how much energy I'm going to put into getting this gig, if any. Which probably means I won't get it. I'll have to think about this some more.

Fortunately, other than that there's not a whole lot on my plate right now. I already took care of my dad's 70th birthday--that was fun, and Morton's the Steakhouse really treated us right. They made custom menus that had my dad's name and "Happy 70th Birthday" on it, gave us free after-dinner drinks and a dessert for him and took a picture, which they then presented to us in one of those paper frames. I'm even slowing down on Facebook and Twitter because fewer of my friends are making posts.

So that's all for now. Today we're possibly going to Toyota Park to pick out our season ticket holder seats. The Red Stars will be there. It should be fun, assuming it's not raining. I will also see the "Watchmen" movie tonight with my girlfriends.

6 Things I'd Like My Son to Know When He Grows Up

2009-02-20T09:38:00.004-06:00

1. Ultimately, how high your grades are or how many toys you obtain is not that important. How you treat people, how you treat your responsibilities and your privileges--that is key. Compassion is important.

2. You are loved. You always will be, no matter what you do.

3. I don't care what profession you choose, but you must be independent. You must be able to stand on your own, without the crutch of parents or friends or church.

3. You never stop learning. You never stop growing. The day you know everything, you're done. Being smart is the best revenge.

4. The world is full of infinite variety, and the only way to experience it fully is to go out into it. You must try to view the world from other perspectives, other lenses.

5. Life should be a little bit fun. Take yourself too seriously, and you'll miss out.

6. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Sick Daze

2009-02-20T09:16:00.002-06:00

My son and I have been basically home since Wednesday. First he had a cough and a fever, and I think I've thwarted mine, to some degree, through liberal use of Cold-Eeze. I'm still sick, but I'm functioning.

And we're watching way too much TV--yesterday we had a '70s TV marathon. Turns out my son loves "Schoolhouse Rock," and has been running around pumping his arms and singing, "Conjunction junction, what's your function." He's so darned cute. We also did "Free to Be You and Me," although he wanted to watch "Lilo & Stitch" instead of "Electric Company." He was a bit scared during "Lilo & Stitch," which I hadn't seen before myself, but got as a gift years ago. The day before it was "High School Musical 3." Today I was hoping for "My Neighbor Totoro" but I may be outvoted.

Assuming we're all fine by tonight, we have an American English concert to go to in Waukegan, a birthday party tomorrow (I still have to buy a gift) and I've got volunteering this weekend. Life drudges on.

I've been trying not to spend too much money, what with the economy and all, and find it's not hard to resist temptation when it's for ME, but I have trouble resisting temptation when it's for my son. We were at the mall the other day and he begged to make a custom remote control car at Ridemakerz, so I let him and spent $60 on it in the process.

We're also trying to figure out what camp he'll be attending this summer. At first I was adamant that he stay within his Montessori school system and attend the same location he did last year, but my husband looked at the park district camp, and there are some definite advantages (mainly cost). Also we're trying to figure out what to do about our regular Coachella trip. Without a friend along, we're thinking of leaving our son behind (!!!) for four days. I don't know if I can handle it, emotionally. Part of the problem is that we don't have a perfect caretaker for the job. But we'll figure it out.

All in all I'm feeling slightly bored, slightly restless and a touch nervous about these unsettled plans and being sick. On the plus side, I should mention my husband brought me flowers and candy for Valentine's Day (I got him a gift, too) and I am counting my lucky stars that we're doing so well in general. My house feels comfortable, if germy, and I'm finally doing my annual reading of The Magic Mountain, a great book to read if you're sick and there's snow on the ground. If only the laundry would do itself I'd be all set.

Feeling A Bit Like Dorothy

2009-02-13T16:28:00.004-06:00

My Facebook/twitter status says right now, "is tired and grumpy so stay away or bring chocolate." I've been grumpy since getting back from my Kansas trip.

I love being in Lawrence, Kansas. I caught three or four sunsets while I was there, playing at the park with my son. It was warmer there. At least six out of my top 10favorite places of all time are in Lawrence; I got to visit the best toy store I know of (The Toy Store), eat the best ice cream (Sylas & Maddie's) and have dinner at my favorite microbrewery (Free State Brewery). I had some relief from having to defend my love of the Kansas Jayhawks, since everyone there cheers for my team. I got to be outside, I got to be in a less expensive place, hang out with some old friends and even try a few new places (mmm, barbecue). I celebrated some birthdays with people (theirs, not mine) and watched the Jayhawks play on TV. I showed my son real stars, and we played in the same park where I spent my childhood.

It wasn't all perfect, of course. I did bite my tongue when I encountered some religious nonsense I didn't agree with, namely, "Obama and his friends don't realize what they are doing when they discourage babies from being born." Huh? And my mother acted like a child sometimes. I like to think I acted maturely in both instances. In the first I simply said, after a few minutes of listening to an argument that didn't merit rational debate, "In their defense, none of my friends have stopped having babies because of Obama." In the second, I apologized to my mom though I was not at fault, and made her stop telling my son "I don't love you" because he said it to her. Yeah, Saturday was a trying day.

Anyway, since being home I've been feeling tired and annoyed by everything. This is partly because as soon as I arrived, my husband, my best friend and another friend left town for a road trip to a soccer game. That evening, my son had trouble getting to sleep and did not fall asleep until possibly after midnight, and I've been unable to catch up on my sleep since then. They came back after a day and a half, but I still can't shake the grumpy feeling.

I've been irrationally upset at my husband and friends for going to eat at sit-down restaurants while traveling, because I never get to do that. Every time I'm on a road trip, everything has to be done in a hurry and we get McDonald's or Subway. Now they go off without me and suddenly they get to eat well the whole time?

I think it's probably more a symptom of my feeling left out than anything else. I haven't had much of a chance to talk to my husband in over a week, except for necessary exchanges. And even though I really dislike Valentine's Day, I keep hoping for some sign that he hasn't completely overlooked me. My insecurity is showing, I know.

I miss my Kansas home, and I want to be there even though my life is here now--I can't help seeing the greener grass on the other side, especially since I've feel so fatigued and out of the loop since then. It's just going to take me a few more days to remember why I like it here, too.

Saturday Night Randomness

2009-01-31T21:04:00.002-06:00

I worked until 1:30 a.m. last night on a transcript of an interview with Grace Park, so I'm not feeling like being productive tonight. So here I am instead.

Here are three random facts about me, in no particular order:

1. I am laid back about many, many things--cleaning, germs, schedules, the state of my closet, what time we eat, etc. What I am not laid back about: grammar. I hate grammatical errors when I see them in ads, in children's books, in the grocery store checkout line. Just because EVERYONE uses "10 items or less" does NOT make it correct grammar. At Ikea, when the signs on doors say "Co-Workers Only" I get annoyed. Does that mean if I'm an employee there only the people I work with can enter, but not me?

2. I never had Thai food until I was 21. I was living in Los Angeles at the time. I seem to remember the restaurant had tables named after different bands, and I wanted to sit at the Sonic Youth table.

3. My favorite concert experience ever was Coachella in 2004. I was actually paying attention to new music that year, thanks to MTV2's "Subterranean," and had discovered a number of bands I liked who played there. That was the year I started listening constantly to the Killers, Snow Patrol, the Sounds, the Vines, stellastarr*, the Bravery, Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, the Kaiser Chiefs, Kasabian, and a bunch more bands I still love to this day.

Here are my answers to the Friday Five for this week.

1. If you owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?

Chinese, of course.

2. What is your favorite restaurant and why?

This is a hard one. I have several. For national chains my favorite is Romano's Macaroni Grill. Locally my favorites include Fuego Mexican Grill (Arlington Heights), Mt. Everest (Evanston) for Indian food, Jerry's (Wicker Park) for sandwiches, Dragon Inn North (Glenview) for Chinese and Greek Islands (Chicago) for overall experience.

3. What is your favorite fast food place?

I love Carl's Jr., Taco John's, Popeye's and Burger King. Now ask me how long ago I ate in any of those places. For subs, Yello Sub in Lawrence, Kansas and Jimmy John's.

4. If you had to choose only one type of food to eat for a year, what would it be?

Not pizza. Probably potstickers.

5. What is your favorite cereal?

Special K, Smart Start or Life.

Now for three random things about my son:

1. He has a terrific sense of humor. Today he laid down on top of me and informed me I was a great pillow. He loves to tickle and be tickled, and he's usually more silly than serious. But he's sweet, apologizes easily and is not stubborn at all.

2. He's obsessed with Star Wars, a movie he's never seen. We play that we're fighting Darth Vader every day. His favorite toy at the moment is a light saber.

3. For months after we stayed in a Doubletree hotel in Santa Monica, he called every hotel "Treehome."

Another Sick Week

2009-01-23T13:43:00.003-06:00

I'm really only online because I've become addicted to Twitter. And with my son having been sick this week (we went to a waterpark hotel last weekend plus Legoland), I've been spending a lot of time at home using the computer. Between Monday afternoon and this morning I went outside the house once--to go to dinner with my husband. He's been working on responding to this appeal, so on Wednesday I edited the document for him, met him for dinner and then read 700 pages worth of legal case to look for certain citations.

Mostly it's been me being on a guilt trip for how much TV I'm letting my son watch. But he's sick, and we can't go out, and I do still have stuff to do. And he's been so good lately--not acting up, except for maybe one five-minute period per day.

Otherwise I'm on track, doing the things I need to do. I was happy to be invited to the egmstaff group on Facebook today (it's the little things), and my son actually pooped in the potty the day of the waterpark (woohoo). One of my friends on Facebook reminded me of the time in college that we both went to a pro-choice rally in D.C.--he from Ohio, me from Massachusetts--and just randomly saw each other there. Out of hundreds of thousands of protesters. Weird. I've been invited to a child's birthday party when I return home to visit my parents, which I'm surprisingly excited about because sometimes I don't know how to entertain my son when we're there. I've written some articles, I'm doing well with my alumnae project and I am finally reading my book club book. Since the Inauguration (hooray) I've been feeling a little strange about being an atheist/agnostic in a world where most of my friends are not, even if they agree with me on most political things, and the book is The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. So I've been avoiding reading it, even though it's not like the guy's trying to convert me.

Anyway. I'm discovering how little I really have to say. Later, then.

Freaking Cold

2009-01-15T09:10:00.003-06:00

It's supposed to be -2 degrees out today without the chill, and we're supposed to have cold temperatures throughout the weekend. I'm staying in today. Well, except for when my son has to go to his Chinese class. Even then, I'm thinking of skipping it, except that I get to go to the bookstore because I don't have to be with him anymore during class.

I'm a touch moody and maudlin of late, and it probably has to do with the weather, plus the closing of EGM and the random posting of elementary and junior school pictures by Facebook acquaintances. Oh, and a few random mean things said to me by complete strangers within the last couple of weeks. My husband, too, has been working a lot. I am grateful, though, that he's in such a recession-proof business and we're not suffering financially the way I'm sure a lot of families are. Of course my husband's retirement fund is suffering and my son's college fund is not doing well, and we have very little equity in our townhouse at this point. But we also don't have to shovel snow, we have the complex's swimming pool in summer, and we are all well. Except for my asthma, which always gets bad in the winter--and it's possible my son has inherited it from me. Plus, now that we have a babysitter again, we get to go out once a week together, by ourselves.

I've just finished a week or so of catching up on work stuff--I hadn't updated my Web site in a month, and I had three or four articles to write for my work, and I was feeling really behind in an awards project I'm doing for my local alumnae club, not to mention personal tasks I had not yet accomplished--but no more. I'm also starting to work out more and hopefully eat better. So I feel like I've accomplished something this week. My boss doesn't want me in on Friday because January is usually slow for the magazine and especially so this year, so I can get some additional work done and go to the health club, hooray. I seem to have an inordinate amount of work for someone who makes so little money. At least I'm keeping busy, but not too busy.

I've actually started watching adult television again. I sat through four hours of "24" this week. It was okay, I enjoyed it, but I'm not positive I'm going to stick with it. I am determined to watch "Donnie Darko" soon.

And this is my life right now. Seriously considering checking into a local waterpark this weekend so I don't have to worry about us getting too home-bound.

The End of EGM

2009-01-07T14:25:00.005-06:00

I have the worst headache and I've been trying to find time for a week to work on my Web site and an extra-curricular duty or too--and yet, here I am.

Yesterday I got word, thanks to my Facebook contacts, that Electronic Gaming Monthly will no longer be published. Worse, the staff was unceremoniously fired (a blog entry on the topic). This news was a blow to me, not just as a fan, though I am one, but because I have a miniscule claim on EGM--once upon a time, in another life, I worked there. No one who's on staff now would remember me, most likely. I never joined the Ziff-Davis alumnae group on Facebook because I'm not sure that, as an employee of that company for not much more than a year, I count. But I went through two layoff scares during my time there, and didn't make it through the last one, so I do feel for the people who were just forced to leave a job they loved.

When I started work for Sendai Media Group in 1995, I was the online editor for the movie magazine Cinescape. I was kind of a tagalong to the mag--most of my duties involved the Web site, Nuke.com. At that time Nuke.com was sort of a stand-alone portal to the four magazines that Sendai was publishing. We were a close-knit group, I think. We had our dramas, definitely. Sometime in 1996 we were acquired by Ziff-Davis. Cinescape did not get bought, but Nuke did. I stayed with Nuke, and my duties switched over completely to the gaming side. I became a "Production Assistant." Basically, I did tech stuff and writing for the two games magazines, EGM and CGR (Computer Gaming Review).

Ziff-Davis wasn't quite sure what to do with Nuke.com, especially since they had Gamespot.com. The company strung us along until January of 2007, and by then there were about six of us left (taking two-hour lunches, stopping work before five to play games; hey, we were all going to be fired anyway). Finally, two were sent to San Francisco to work with Gamespot; two were laid off; two remained on staff. I was one of the two who moved downstairs to EGM. Which made me, I believe, the first female in editorial in EGM, ever (Sendai had hired female secretaries, graphic artists and copy editors previously).

My official title in the EGM masthead was "Online Editor." Basically, I was one of the two liaisons between Gamespot and EGM. As I remember it, I did get to write daily news and previews and once, for a special annual issue, EGM even sent me to a company that made controllers to create an entire article--my first, and last, big feature in EGM. One byline. I'd have loved to do more. Perhaps I wasn't deemed worthy--I don't know. Maybe they would have given me more assignments, if they'd kept me on. All I know is that by the end of November 2007, I had been laid off for good (and went straight to the Tribune Company, starting January 2008). I don't even remember what reason they gave me.

There are some things I did there that I am proud of. I got what I believe was the very first interview with Tom Clancy after the formation of his Red Storm gaming group. I went to E3 as part of Gamespot and experienced the whole event from inside the glass aquarium where they had us updating stories. I did some good work and some bad work--interviewed actors, directors, game people. I got to see games before everyone else, got to see the redone "Star Wars" movies in the theaters with my co-workers. Mostly, I became really interested in games.

I had an Atari when I was little and an NES when I was older, but it wasn't until I started work at Sendai that I really got into video games. For making my life richer, I will always be grateful to EGM.

I remember this one supervisor I had, who didn't seem to believe women could like games, who after watching me play in Tekken tournaments and Duke Nukem (I LOVED Duke Nukem) fragfests for months said to me, "I know you don't like video games, but now you'll be working on them." I remember one guy who shared an office with me, and made it clear he didn't want anyone else to be in his space, let alone a girl. When I left, I think he had changed his tune. I remember being the only woman at a business lunch that took place at Hooters. I like to think I broke some barriers, although that's probably just me wishfully hoping I had as much of an influence on the place as the place had on me.

I've had better jobs since then--I've been syndicated, I've had a larger circulation, I've written about bigger stars. I've moved on. I've even had one job that was more fun (mvp.com, I totally miss that foosball table), and one job that was more traumatic (I'm never working for a women's magazine again, unless they call me out of the blue to make me editor in chief and by the way, working with all guys was SO much better than working with all women). But somehow EGM stayed with me. Despite all the problems, the capricious treatment, an undercurrent of discrimination the rewards for personality over merit, and a feeling that I was not utilized to my full potential, I loved working there.

And I know that the staff members on EGM couldn't care less about where I am now, I was a pretty marginal staff member at best--but...but...nevertheless, I think I understand how they feel today.

R.I.P. EGM. You will be missed.

Fiction Woes and Triumphs

2009-01-02T16:40:00.004-06:00

I'm on a fan fiction listserve which has done wonders for my writing, considering I never wrote fiction before I got onto it. I really enjoy being part of a writing community, even if this particular community is based on a tradition that's only quasi-legal depending on who you ask. Lots of people, including me, feel embarrassed connecting themselves to this kind of writing, because it's not like it's real writing--you're borrowing someone else's characters and world, after all. Not creating them yourself. Nevertheless, I do find that playing in someone else's creation can be liberating, and makes fiction writing seem less intimidating. It's also a challenge in interpreting an author's (or producer's) intent.

The particular list I'm on is a particularly good one--lots of fresh ideas, diversity of thought in its members, good critiques and very little sniping. We get quotes about writing, challenges, projects. We've been having a discussion on the differences in language between British folk and Americans. I've enjoyed it. I actually wrote a short story (in response to a challenge) while waiting for midnight on New Year's Eve--some might think it's kind of pathetic to be staying home and writing on such a party-friendly night, but I've been burned by too many NYE events and was happy to be home.

Anyway, this week I critiqued someone's work and said I felt her characterization of someone was OOC (out of character). Several others agreed with me. Her response was to--well, take offense is too strong a phrase, because she was very polite and reasonable about it. I crafted a reply, as did some of my fellow list members. Her answer to all of our critiques was to say, she wasn't wrong (which is basically true) and she's keeping the story the way it is. Fine, that's her prerogative, but I did feel that her story wasn't doing what she wanted it to. But, as she notes, it's a tiny story and doesn't really deserve all the controversy.

My point in telling this story is that after my second response, I got a really nice message from one of the people on the list saying she thought my message was really good--not offending the writer, but stating that we had a difference in opinion. The person went on to say that she liked my writing and my thoughtful critiques and I was a great addition to the list. That totally made my day. I've never been complimented like that on my fiction writing, and to be considered an asset to a fiction community is a new experience for me.

I'm trying to savor the feeling. However, my usual Friday plan to keep my son awake has failed, which means he'll be going to bed late and I won't have much time to myself tonight. You take the good with the bad. :)

By Default

2008-12-29T16:24:00.002-06:00

I was just helping out a friend by telling her how to put photos into her blog, so I had to log on and open up an entry--and also, I'm procrastinating. Turns out I've got a lot of catching up to do at work, so I sat my son in front of the Wii so that I could do stuff, but now I'm way too scattered to focus. Instead of working I'm writing in my blog, trying out ideas for a new fan fiction piece, checking my work email (which I've never done before from home, and doesn't that count as work?), writing a note to my husband, doing other random things around the house. And every five minutes or so I write up another theatre listing. Oh boy.

It makes me think of how, when I was doing spelling tests in the 4th or 5th grades, they kept marking me wrong because I would spell "theater" the other way. I maintain that when referring to a building, the right spelling is "theater" and when referring to a concept, as in "the theatre," the alternate spelling is correct. But my teacher did not agree, and finally, I succumbed in order to not ruin my great spelling grades. I'm still bitter. No, not really, I just think it's funny. I could have totally argued it, if I hadn't been so young and impressionable. Every theater these days is labeled as a "theatre," if only to give it a more pretentious ring. Oh, I mean a more respectable ring.

I keep thinking I'm going to take an acting class soon. I feel like in my adult life I've become way too inhibited and dependent on other people's opinions--in other words, I've become an adult. And I would like to channel the more creative side of me on occasion, to remind myself what it is like to let go and not be so pent up all the time. I think at this point I could never say that I'm repressed, because it's all coming from the inside--this is the right way to be, so I would never consider acting out or acting up--so it doesn't count. But I think it could also help me develop a better sense of self. I was being amused by the thought of myself taking said class at the Piven Theatre, since I just think Jeremy Piven is so sleazy and awful (yes, I met him in person. I didn't know how sleazy and awful he was prior to that event).

I just went downstairs at my son's request to do karaoke to "Bet On It" from "High School Musical 2." Oh yeah, I'm being very productive today. Stupid Metropolis Arts doesn't have their acting schedule on the Web site. Oh well, I may have to wait a while to do this.

Sorry to be so random. I'm just wasting time, I guess, and don't have anything particular to say.

One of my NYE resolutions this year is to get myself in shape. My son is just going to get more active, and I've not been on a good, regular physical-fitness regimen since before he was born. I need to be able to keep up with him. He's going to sports camp this week, and I'm going with him to work out while he's doing that. Today I signed him up for the same camp, done weekly, so that I can at least be guaranteed one day a week at the health club. This will make it difficult for us to do all the museum-visiting I had envisioned for us in January, but the weather's bad anyway, so would I really have been motivated to go downtown? Anyway, we can still go afterwards. We'll just have to see. I don't want to overschedule him--he's got gymnastics on Saturdays, Language Stars on Thursdays and now this, but this is rather a necessity for me than anything for his sake. I'd never go to the health club otherwise.

That's all for now, I'm really going to try to work now.

A Lost Month

2008-12-22T19:43:00.004-06:00

I think I wrote too much during November, and then decided subconsciously not to do any during December...but at least I finished my novel.

Actually, it's been a very eventful period. I went to the Bahamas with my family, and hosted Thanksgiving for my father-in-law, taking him to see A Midsummer Night's Dream. Then our computer crashed the Saturday after, causing me to lose a little bit of my novel and making me panic, so that I finished my novel that day on my laptop. I also lost every video I'd taken of my son with my own digital camera--including his first singing of the alpabet, his singing Vampire Weekend in Palm Springs--I'm still rather sad about it. And I'm annoyed with Carbonite for not making it clear to me that my videos would have to be backed up separately. But there's nothing I can do--I already tried crying to customer service.

After that I spent a lot of time trying to get ready for Christmas, because we had another week-long trip coming up and I had to get everything done. The fact that we had no access to our photos and such made me scratch the idea of doing photo books. And I had trouble waiting for our holiday card photos to show up in the mail--I'm gonna spring for 2-day shipping next time. So this period involved holiday cards, photo stuff, finding and interviewing a new babysitter, packing, arranging stuff at work, etc.

Then last week we were in Orlando, and I'm totally worn out after the Magic Kingdom, Disney's Hollywood Studios, Gatorland, Seaworld. I've been with my son pretty much 24/7 since at least 12/13, in some stressful places. Yesterday I played elf and volunteered at the zoo, but that was not cathartic because I came up against so many customer complaints and four separate child vomit situations during Breakfast with Santa. Yikes. I understand people were upset about the potatoes running out and the long line, but contrary to popular opinion it wasn't longer than last year.

And as of today my son has a brand-new bed--it's supercool. It's basically a bunk bed without the bottom bunk, complete with bookcase and drawers and a full desk. We draped some blankets over the front and are using the empty bottom part as a fort.

In a couple of days I'm hosting Christmas too. At the moment I have a dancing three-year-old boy rocking out to the Wiggles (whom he thinks he's too old to like) right behind me on the chair. And it's his bedtime, so I better go.

Blogging from Paradise

2008-11-17T19:15:00.002-06:00

I am currently working on my novel, which is about as bad as a novel written in 30 days by someone who's never written a novel can be. However, I am encouraged because tonight I actually came up with an ending. I am going to be at 30,000 words in a bit. I'd like to hit that mark tonight; it's also possible I won't get there until tomorrow.

I am writing this in the Bahamas, enjoying a change of scene. Sometimes I feel like vacations aren't exactly the right word for it, when you have kids around. And we've come here so often the novelty has worn off, but we still come because our son is getting to the age where he'll love it and remember it. I never get tired of the sea life, anyway, and there's usually something new to gawk at. This year, sadly, the "something new" is negative--about 800 people were let go from Atlantis last week, thanks to the slow economy. It's deader here now almost than when we went a month after September 11, 2001.

We arrived on Saturday, too late to do anything interesting. On Sunday it was really too cold to swim, although my boys braved the water for a half hour or less in the pool right outside our building. We went over and saw the Dig, where the big impressive aquarium is, had a nap and ate dinner at Johnny Rockets. Nothing big. Today we spent five hours at the lagoon beach, where my son spent most of his time either playing in the sand or wanting to sit on one of the "lily pads"--he called them "pieces of cheese" that were anchored in the water. He played with some other kids too. We've had some good, short conversations with people here--a couple on a timeshare tour, the new "friends" of my son who were here on a day pass from their Disney cruise ship, a cab driver who talked Obama with us for practically the whole ride, that sort of thing. I've had numerous remarks on how cute my kid is, like when he was watching maintenance people work on a fountain and he said, "I think they're having a problem."

So far I've managed to read one novel, an Anne Bronte book called Agnes Grey, and I've taken about 15 blurry pictures of manta rays. I finally figured out how to get the Disney Channel just now. That'll be a relief in the morning when my son wants to watch TV.

Anyway, that's all that's happened so far, and I better get back to writing or else I'll get too tired.

The Passing of Prop 8 Is Hateful and Horrible

2008-11-14T17:29:00.003-06:00

Just had to get that off my chest. For me, the farther away we get from Election night the more incensed I feel about the gay-marriage ban passed in California and Arizona and Florida, and the thing in Arkansas. It's been hard for me to feel unalloyed happiness about the Obama win with that kind of institutionalized bigotry and deprivation of human rights going on. So much for progress.

We are on the eve of our Bahamas trip, and somehow I've survived November so far. I had 24 things on my Things To Do list--I'm still working at it. I took both my cats to the vet this week, and I'm currently at 22,763 words in my novel, which is getting to be pretty bad, and my husband and my son are sick. I've been packing all week, working as usual, had to use a sitter today though because my son stayed home from school. Just as I thought I was doing well, I got calls from two sets of people I used to cat-sit for, both of whom needed petsitters because they were going to funerals, so I had to help arrange stuff for them and/or visit their cats, too. Plus there's the potty training, which is going sometimes well and sometimes not. I am at a loss to figure out how many diapers I ought to bring on this trip.

Anyway, I better get back to work. I'm not even close to done and I'm just going to get stresed if I do things that aren't on my List.

NaNoWriMo and the Elections

2008-11-09T06:02:00.002-06:00

My days this month are busy. And I have no idea why I am up at 6 a.m., except I was disheartened my failure at fundraising for the Turkey Trot--I was trying to raise some money for our local museum, so I had to put in money myself so my son can run in it today. Well, the economy is bad, I understand that. And honestly, I could have put more energy into it but I only signed up a week or so ago, and my husband refused to help because he'd already sent out a fundraising email for his big 100-hole golf marathon and didn't feel it was appropriate to send people another one, even though I'm trying to raise like $50.

Also with the election and NaNoWriMo, I'm trying to keep up with my life. I was so happy when Obama won--tears were shed, I wished I was in Grant Park, all that sort of thing--but I was sobered very quickly when Dan Seals lost (I'm still mad at Sierra Club and Planned Parenthood for endorsing the other candidate, who was once quoted as saying he didn't care about an issue because his district was mainly high-income. Yeah, neither of them are going to be getting any money from ME anytime soon). And the Prop 8 thing--and the Arkansas thing--as my husband wrote on his thanksiowa.com blog--that'll show the orphans and kids in temporary foster homes. Talk about backward.

To my surprise, I did feel a little differently than expected when I started reading the congratulatory messages on nytimes.com that poured in from around the world. I expected to feel nothing but gladnesss--look, world, we don't suck as badly as you think. And then I found myself resenting the more patronizing comments like, "Welcome back to the fold," You've finally redeemed yourselves and changed for the better" and I was like, don't be so patronizing. The American dream is alive and well, and when YOU elect a black president THEN you can talk to us like we're kids who need praise. We never changed anything basic within ourselves, we just saw that we'd done something wrong and fixed it. I am proud of my country, and happy to show the world that we aren't all idiots, that democracy works and we do correct our mistakes.

At the moment I'm at 13,401 words in my novel. Feeling a bit worn down, though. The last fun thing that I remember I did, all by myself, was dinner last month with my girlfriends. After that it's been stay home, work on book, volunteer for the election, volunteer for the zoo, raise money, forget to work on Wellesley College alumnae project, take son to places to entertain ourselves. I took my son to watch "High School Musical" twice (well, he wanted to, and the second time I tried to talk him into "Madagascar 2"), and Friday we had a 24-hour stay-cation in the Western suburbs where I couldn't write because I didn't have our laptop, and Saturday we went to the doggie wedding in Oak Park.

And no prospect for any real time off until...not sure, actually. We don't have a regular babysitter and I'm trying to train a girl, but she's a young 14 and this is going to take some time. I'm willing to invest in her, but in the meantime I could use a break.

Fortunately we have a Bahamas vacation this month, but so far it's only stressing me out because I have to pack in addition to everything else and how much writing am I really going to get done there, especially if my husband goes off to play golf a bunch of times?

I think I'm starting to get resentful. I better stop. Did I mention I'm pottytraining my son, too? Yeah, we've gone mostly cold turkey since a week ago. He's doing well but he keeps asking for a diaper whenever it's time to poop.

My novel is not good, but I'm at least having fun writing it. I have invented a new genre to contain it, called "scifi chick lit." I better go back to it; don't expect much more from me this month, as I will be trying to finish everything else on my plate. Oh, crap, holiday shopping and I better get that photo book done this week. Sigh.

October Blues

2008-10-23T20:59:00.004-05:00

My son is sick right now, and I keep hearing him coughing in his sleep. Because he threw up this evening and because he's had diarrhea all day he's not allowed to eat much, so of course he's hungry and unhappy. Poor little guy.

Meanwhile, my husband's totally immersed in video games in the evenings and I am working whenever I have a spare moment. I can't go to work with my son sick, so I've been trying to get things done from home. In addition to that I'd like to have things in shape for November, since I've decided (what was I thinking, I'd like to know) to participate in NaNoWriMo. This, in a month where we're scheduled to vacation for a week and then there's Thanksgiving. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I tell myself I'm at least not working full-time, so surely I can sneak in a few hours here and there, use up that daycare time we still have on account.

Also, I'm sick. Not totally, just enough to bother me and make me wish for some relief. Tonight I wrote three articles for my Web site so I won't have to next month. This afternoon I worked too. Now I think I'll go cook some dinner. Also I am hosting book club this weekend, so I've got to get some food and paper plates and stuff like that and clean the house.

Also, I am feeling worn out. Ever since I got back from my cruise it seems like I'm always either with my son or working. My husband is wonderful and he helps me put my son to bed every night. Still, I have had two nights off for dinner with girlfriends--and we don't have a babysitter anymore, so no more date nights. My husband was in Las Vegas last week, so in an effort to keep us occupied my kid and I went to Ikea, Woodfield Mall, the zoo, the planetarium and Medieval Times all in the space of a long weekend. Fortunately, the zoo and planetarium and Medieval Times were free because of work/volunteering, so at least when I spent all my money, it was for actual merchandise...

One last thing--I picked up a book recently, written by an aquaintance of mine and self-published--a fictional account of the first season of the Chicago Fire (in her book they're called the Stampede). I decided if she can write a book, surely I can too. It might suck, but at least I'm going to give it a go. I feel better, having taken care of my other Web site tonight. And once my book club's over, I can focus on my novel. Now if only I had a plot and a genre, I'd be all set.

Coming Clean

2008-10-15T17:59:00.002-05:00

In retrospect, I wouldn't feel good about the last post without explaining the incident at Wellesley in which I was involved, especially since it was so personally traumatic to me.

Visit Wikipedia and put in a search for Professor Tony Martin, and you'll get his bio along with information on a college controversy that happened in 1993. Jewish students who sat in on his course discovered he was having students read The Secret Relationship Between Blacks and Jews, a book published by the Nation of Islam. This, naturally, caused all kinds of uproar. At the time I was taking a break from being the entirely student-run school newspaper's news editor by acting as the opinions and letters editor. Professor Martin sent us a really long, rather rambling letter that attacked another professor, and refused to let us edit it for space.

After a long and contentious meeting, our newspaper staff decided not to publish the letter until a later issue, when we could ask the other professor to respond to Martin's allegations. I was the one elected to give him this news, and I spoke to him by telephone on several occasions--and had him ream me out. Is it any wonder I took it personally when he published a book, I believe on his vanity press, called The Jewish Onslaught: Despatches from the Wellesley Battlefront, which talked of the racism involved in my newspaper's decision? And how we were part of a racist establishment? We, publishing a piddly weekly college newspaper, had no way of combating his assertions on the national stage.

I was then, and am still, sympathetic to Tony Martin's viewpoint (and here's where I become unelectable). There was never any proof--in fact there was evidence to the contrary--that he was teaching that book as gospel. Instead I believe he was trying to make people think about race relations and history. The slavery of black man to white has always been such a ripe topic that the relations of other races to one another during that time has always been overlooked. I believe he was just trying to make students think about that.

That's not to say I don't see the other side's point of view--discovering that a professor was teaching a pamphlet designed to spread hatred between Blacks and Jews must have seemed shocking and horrible. If he had been teaching the pamphlet to foment violence and hatred, that would have been bad. I cannot, and never did, believe he would do such a thing. I am not the only one on our editorial staff who felt that way, either.

I was a wreck that semester, and it seemed like I was right in the middle of the chaos, trying to write about it objectively and being accused of it (although indirectly). I ended up crying in my Dean of Students Office that spring of 1993, taking advantage of the school's offer to let anyone affected by the semester's events to extend my finals. This remains one of the most controversial and disturbing events of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong-_I was just trying to be fair.

But you know how in my last post I was talking about having people think badly of me? Yeah, I pictured everyone in the country reading Tony Martin's book and viewing ME as the bad guy, part of that evil racist newspaper, even though he never mentioned my name (I doubt he knew it--I was just The Wellesley News Representative). Talk about traumatic.

Reality Versus Memory

2008-10-15T17:18:00.003-05:00

The other day I was rather taken aback when a close friend of mine told me she'd been angry when, back when I was still dating my husband, I set her up with some really rude guy. Huh? Apparently we surprised her, she didn't know this guy was coming along with us.

I'm not saying this didn't happen, but I can't fathom who the guy might be, as the guy she thinks it was actually had a girlfriend as long as I've known him. Also, it's a situation so far removed from how I view myself that it just doesn't jibe for me. I have never, in my life, ever "set someone up" as far as I know. I don't believe in it. Don't think it's profitable, don't get any joy out of being successful in predicting or manipulating other people's relationships. That just isn't me. I have perhaps, on occasion, said to my husband, "Wouldn't it be nice if these two hooked up?" And perhaps it's possible we did invite someone along thinking, gee, these two have something in common. Beyond that, I just can't believe I'd do such a thing.

This reminds me of a friend I had more than 10 years ago, who was offended at my distancing myself from her when I started dating my husband. The reasons for this were reasonable, I think--the main one, I thought anyway, was that I moved into the city and she never went there. I still, whenever I could, went out to the suburbs to visit her. The other reason is that my husband just didn't like her--and frankly, neither did any of my other friends. I believe she was unhappy that I did not include her in my wedding party--the truth was, I had always wanted just a small number of women in my wedding party, and she was a very recent friend. I honestly had five or six other people I would have been obligated to invite into my wedding party above her. Anyway, she told me near the end of our friendship that I had "gotten what I'd always wanted," a man, and that I'd clearly tossed over all my other priorities and relationships now that I'd caught one.

What? That was another stunning blow to me. It was one of my most cherished beliefs that a woman didn't need a man to be whole, to be successful, and I was proud of being on my own, and she was telling me that all this time, she'd seen me as this hungry man-hunter? That my sole goal in life was to get a man? I was never like that. Hello, I went to Wellesley College, that's not exactly what they teach us there. I'd like to point out here that she was the one whose soap-opera dramatics always dominated our conversations. I doubt she knew half as much about me as I knew about her, just because our conversations were all about her.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant. I just find it fascinating how our memories and perceptions cloud reality--and for all I know, my reality is the one that's skewed. I also worry a bit about the clearly wrong ideas people have about me and my actions. Then again, it's not like I can control this. And it's not like I've done a whole lot of terrible things in my life. I could be vetted for VP and no one would find anything more incriminating than a membership in the ACLU and participation in a couple of pro-choice protests. Oh, I suppose there was that thing about our college newspaper being "racist" for not publishing a really long, rambling diatribe that personally attacked a professor.

But I hate having people think negatively of me in any way. I probably worry about it too much. I suppose I'm not the only one.

October Is Going Too Fast

2008-10-14T19:59:00.002-05:00

I've spent the weekend playing with my new toy, a Blackberry. I can see why they call it a Crackberry. Wow, the idea of having my email with me all the time is a little intoxicating--and actually, a timesaver for me because if I can check mail when I'm out I don't feel so much of a need to check the computer when I really ought to be fixing lunch for my son. Yes, I'm hoping this will help my mothering skills. Right.

There's a lot on my plate this week, including the fact that I really have to get a new ID and so far I've only gotten one replacement credit card. I'd like to vote early, I have all these appointments on Thursday, I'm still trying to transcribe a few things, I signed up to do NaNoWriMo next month--I know, what was I thinking. Between Thanksgiving and a week in the Bahamas, transcribing and doing volunteer stuff I'm really going to have time to churn out a 50,000 word novel...I believe that's five pages a night. It'll just have to be the worst novel ever. Also I just figured out I forgot to pay my son's tuition this month, which probably means a hefty penalty. And my husband is in Las Vegas Thursday through Sunday. Also I promised to do a review on the new Adler exhibit, so I have to find time to actually go.

On top of that, I spent the day at the pumpkin patch yesterday and
my parents came today, although my husband and my son took them to the airport so at least I have a little time to work on things tonight. And, honestly, their keeping my son occupied today allowed me to juggle some scheduling things (specifically, realizing I'd scheduled two appointments at exactly the same time and having to call and fix that).

Dells Weekend: A Room Full of Kids and A Police Report

2008-10-07T18:09:00.005-05:00

On Saturday through Monday my family went to the Wisconsin Dells and stayed at the behemoth Wilderness Resort, which is really ginormous. We had fun; on Saturday we had one of our friends over with his daughter, and on Sunday another family with three adorable blond girls stayed with us. It was fun to watch them all play and interact with each other.

The bad part, though, is that my wallet and cell phone were stolen Saturday night. I filed a police report and everything. I had a clear purple bag, with a pouch attached to the inside. I put my wallet in because I thought I'd need my credit cards, as I didn't have any cash with me. Of course I forgot I could make charges on my room key. It was one of those things were I almost immediately realized that my stuff was going to be out of my eyesight, but I couldn't go back because my son was already too engrossed in the water play and I couldn't just leave him. Finally I got worried enough that I pulled him out of the water to go back and move my stuff--but the damage had already been done. I had no cash and instantly cancelled my credit cards, so the main inconvenience is replacing my driver's license and my cell phone. Assuming no identity theft is at work here, anyway.

What a drag. I hate people. I was careless, it's true, and normally this just wouldn't have happened because I try not to bring anything valuable to the waterparks. What was I thinking, carrying around a transparent beach bag? But I am trying to be positive and remember it's a second chance at getting a driver's license picture right (somehow, though, mine have always been flattering) and a chance to upgrade my phone.

My son still looks like he has a black eye from a mosquito bite he got at school last week, but it's going away quickly. I've been getting some strange looks and comments about it. It's a good thing the teacher saw the mosquito actually bite him under the eye, and my doctor knows all about his coloring and how easily bruised he can look or else I'd be worried.

My son is being troublesome lately--he just won't listen or obey instructions until we start talking punishment. My husband almost lost it this past weekend when he refused to get ready for the waterpark, thus rendering it impossible to meet some friends on time. Not that he would ever hurt our son, but he did start swearing and that freaked me out because he very rarely does that in front of our kid and I could tell he was starting to get angry. I got between them and interceded, and my husband had to leave the room to calm down. My husband has been tense lately--I wish I could make my son understand that he's not helping matters by constantly disobeying us. I think I need to consult some parenting books.

Today I started a Galacticruise group on Facebook and am trying to find time to call my parents and set up a flight for them to come visit us.

Fall Is Here!

2008-09-30T08:56:00.003-05:00

Life is getting back to normal after my little vacation in the middle of the month--for an account of it, you can go here to my ScifiTV site. What I neglected to write down is how great it was to be away, on my own, with nary a chore in sight--though of course I constantly missed my boys. I didn't have to wash a single dish, and I could be as social or anti-social as I wanted. I was really glad to meet a whole new group of people, and I'm currently connecting to them via email and Facebook right now. Part of me wishes I could have gotten to know people better, but perhaps that will happen yet. I like to think I asked some good questions, and made some new friends. I certainly had a good time. This was a real vacation, and I enjoyed every minute.

Back in my real life, my husband has been out doing things four nights out of the past five and he's really been working hard, so I've decided to give him back that gift certificate to Mario Tricoci that he gave me for Christmas so he can get a free massage. I registered an official complaint with him last night that he's been gone so often in the evenings, but things should calm down after tonight. Naturally we're worrying about the economy and considering the types of things we should do to ride out the coming bad times. But I am feeling grateful for him, especially as our closest friends separated this week and we are trying to be supportive of both of them and their little girl.

I've been active too since my return--volunteered, took my kid to a makeup language class and the Village Playplace in Arlington Heights, had my monthly Ides night out with the girls last Wednesday, went to a parent-teacher conference, took my boys to the harvest bonfire at the local farm (and got eaten by mosquitoes) on Saturday, visited the zoo with my friend and her daughter, finished my Galacticruise article, started transcribing Richard Hatch's acting seminar for Galactica.tv, got back to work, took my son to a make-up gymnastics class Monday (remind me not to pick that class again, the parents were unfriendly, annoying and presumptious, except for that one dad). I'm getting back to work for my alumnae club, reading a lot of crappy chick lit fiction (yes, most of it will be donated when I'm done, what was I thinking) and looking forward to the months ahead.

We have lots of plans for fall/winter, although I'm already starting to think about the holidays, as we have one vacation planned the week before Thanksgiving and one planned for the week before Christmas. This means I really have to get on the ball with holiday planning, or I'm going to miss something. This weekend we're going to Wisconsin--there are a few events surrounding Halloween, and book club, and the trips. It will be busy.

Hooray for fall!

iPhone Technical Difficulties and Cruise Preparation

2008-09-12T08:10:00.003-05:00

This morning my son accidentally deleted a really good picture from my husband's iPhone--a very handy gadget, which makes it entirely too easy to take pictures (with a button that's feather-touch sensitive and entirely too easy to delete things (one button, with no confirmation screen). It's also entirely too easy for a child to use! So I'm sad. It was a picture from Saturday's Chicago Fire game, taken when my son and his five-year-old friend, a son of a Chicago Fire player, were making faces at my husband for the purposes of picture-taking. It was so cute, and now it's lost. Well, there's nothing I can do about it now.

I understand there are programs you can use to recover photos, but since one of us (me? my son?) accidentally took a picture after the photo was deleted using the very sensitive camera button, I'm not sure the picture can be rescued. Sigh. And I'm trying to tell myself, it's just one picture. Considering my husband's phone has 500 pictures on it, and he hasn't backed it up since last year, and he lost his phone in the Toyota Park parking lot in April where it was driven over and rained on for three hours before he found it, and STILL didn't back it up when he found it was working by some miracle...I suppose I should consider myself lucky it wasn't worse.

I don't have much time to dwell on that, though, since I'm preparing for a trip out of town. It's my first vacation by myself without my family--six days, five nights. I fully expect to revel in my freedom the first two days, then to be desperately missing my family for the rest of the time...

Naturally, this means I've got to get ready for the trip, and that includes making sure my boys survive the week without me. Groceries, notes to school, daycare arrangements, getting diapers and other household supplies, going to the vet to refill our pets' medication, getting laundry done, matching up the socks--last night I labeled all of my son's drawers because somehow my husband has never figured out, even after three years, where any of his stuff goes. And packing for myself and cat-sitting on top of that, not to mention just the normal duties I usually take care of.

I am looking forward to the trip, although I am going to panic at some point that my husband doesn't know the directions to the daycare...or some problem I just can't envision at this point. And then there's the issue of babysitters--we had an offer to babysit by a young man I never saw before in my life until the Fire game on Wednesday. But he's such an actively kind person I think I'll be okay if my husband decides to use him while I am away. And to get that kind of impression by way of two actual exchanges of dialogue (one offer to get us something from the concession stands, one out-of-the-blue gift to my son) is rather unusual. Not that this is important, but this man happens to be the son of a rather important Chicago sports figure (yeah, my husband is all hooked up right now). That's rather the only bit that worries me--he probably runs with a rather more exciting crowd than we do, the type of crowd to which things happen--and I kind of wish my son's life to be untroubled and quiet. At least while he's young.

When I look at that last sentence, I realize how irrational that fear is. And anyway, I'm off on a tangent so I better stop worrying and get to writing.

Anticipating Stress

2008-09-05T10:07:00.003-05:00

I was hoping that things would get back to normal for a while after the school break and my son's being sick and all that--but I do not think this is in the cards for me. I am leaving town on the 14th for a 5-day, just me myself and I vacation. Until then, I've got lots to do. For one thing, I never finished my "Prison Break" article and I need to. For another thing, I have a houseguest coming today and she will be here until next Thursday. I'm pet-sitting, too, next week. In fact, I just realized that with this free time I'm using right now I ought to be getting to work, so bye!

Why Bristol Palin's Pregnancy Matters

2008-09-03T08:58:00.002-05:00

First, let’s get something straight. I do not advocate personal attacks on Bristol Palin or her family. I have sympathy for their situation and I understand that teenagers often just can’t be controlled. We should leave Sara Palin’s family alone.

But I am also not going to applaud the Palin family’s choice to keep the child and raise it. As a staunchly pro-life family, what else could they have done? As a family that’s clearly demonstrated a consistent desire for more kids, what else would they have done?

And from a political standpoint, the standpoint that is looking at Sara Palin as the next possible Vice President of the United States, Bristol’s pregnancy is NOT irrelevant. Because her mother, presumably one of the main educational forces in her life, is running for one of the highest offices in the land. And her mother has advocated abstinence education over sex education. And her mother decided, at an age when most women are done having babies, to continue having them. And her mother also decided, with five kids on her hands—one of which is a special needs child—and with one grandchild coming, to take on a very difficult and very high-profile political job.

I’m not one of those people who thinks women should stay at home and work. In fact, I think women NEED to get out and think about things other than their children. I am living proof. I love my son, but I need additional stimulation. Even so, I am not willing to take on a job that will, by its very nature, take precedence over my family. If I had five kids, I’d need a respite even more—but it would also be that much more important to me that I put my family first, for fear that they’d learn all the wrong things from all the wrong people.

I believe I might be mentally ready to have another baby again in a few years, but I’m not going to because of the higher risk of birth defects as you get older. I am not woman enough to think I can handle that kind of challenge and come out with my family unscathed. I am not willing to chance hurting my children in the process.

This is why I question Sara Palin’s judgment. I’ve seen a lot of evidence recently, just within my general acquaintance, that people’s parents affect their personalities and their ambition more than any other thing in their lives, whether the kids admit it or not. Isn’t it reasonable to assume that Bristol’s morals, her character and her knowledge of the world, were in large part formed by her mother? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that Bristol Palin is living proof, then, that abstinence education doesn’t work? That, therefore, Palin's political beliefs have failed on a personal level? And that Sara Palin didn’t teach her kid well enough about abstinence in the first place?

I know that all of this knowledge may still not have prevented Bristol’s pregnancy. For all I know, helping care for her infant brother made her want to have another child and nothing was going to stop her—or love of the self-proclaimed “redneck” who fathered the baby caused her to throw caution to the wind. But maybe, just maybe, Sara Palin’s judgment is to blame here.

Combined with what seem to be other instances of Sara Palin’s misjudgment, this seems to me an issue that's worth considering. After all, let’s compare this with other recent instances that have spawned personal attacks, like John Edwards’ affair with what’s-her-name, or that Republican guy’s wide-leg stance. I didn’t have as much a problem with the revelations of personal vulnerability or vice as I did with what it showed about those people’s (lack of) judgment and, in some cases, their abuse of power and squandering of goodwill. We need better in the Vice President of the United States.

No attacks on Palin’s family should be made. But she is a public figure, and till now much of her comments have actually been more about herself and her family than policy, so what else are we supposed to talk about? How else can we make the decision? We know so little about her. Maybe tonight’s speech will rectify that. We can only hope.

Yes, I will feel we as voters should take into account Sara Palin’s daughter’s pregnancy when we vote this fall. Unapologetically.

Note: I feel in the interest of openness I should reveal that I am an Obama supporter and a staunch Democrat.

More Crap

2008-08-22T10:45:00.003-05:00

Did I mention that I've called the post office four times in the last two days, not to mention actually visiting on Tuesday? The mail carrier stopped delivering our mail because our box was full--it's a small box, and not anywhere convenient to our actual location--so I had to go pick up my stuff, which did not include an Amazon.com delivery of a moderately expensive electronic piece of equipment. So since Amazon.com claims it has delivered my package, I had to call several times, and now the mail carrier supervisor claims that my mail carrier is going to talk to me about it when he comes today, which means instead of trying to get other DVDs to try to save my TiVo I have to sit here and wait for the phone to wring so I can get my stupid package. Meanwhile, they forwarded the package to nobody, so it ought to circulate back to me in about five days. Sigh. I so need a drink. And I almost never, never need a drink.

Urine Gone Rocks

2008-08-22T08:55:00.002-05:00

And now, for a product plug, based on the fact that Urine Gone is the only thing going right in my life right now. I have just spent all my time since I woke up cleaning stuff up, mostly a spot on the light, cream-colored floor in my son's room where he slept last night. He had diarrhea at oh, around 1:45 a.m., which is when he woke me up. I waited to clean it up until this morning. Thanks to Urine Gone, the spot is almost completely gone.

In the past I've used Urine Gone to clean up things like an entire regular-size Jamba Juice berry smoothie spilled on the living room floor. I have no idea what's in this product, I'm not going to ask, but if it weren't for Urine Gone I'd be spending a lot more money on carpet cleaning, that's for sure.

On a brighter note, I did manage to record my son's CBS video onto our camcorder, and wasn't even up too late doing it.

Lost Video, Feeling Stupid

2008-08-21T21:42:00.003-05:00

Well, today was about as frustrating as yesterday for different reasons. My son threw up once, had diarrhea in the living room, but in general did pretty well. I do feel bad for having to withhold food from him--he just doesn't understand that if he's sick, he's just going to throw it all up again. I felt like such a heel, I was like, DCFS come get me, I'm starving my child! Even though I was doing the right thing, I felt miserable sticking to it.

But the main horrible thing that happened today is that our TiVo is dying. And the main problem with that is that we have a video of my son at age 2, which was recorded at Brookfield Zoo on his birthday when CBS was there taking video of the kids enjoying the Stingray Bay exhibit. There's a close-up of him. I don't care about anything else we've recorded, except that. I've actually been camping out downstairs with our camcorder, trying to get the TiVo to work long enough to capture the part of the video where they're doing the closeup. I'm determined to stay up all night, if need be, before the TiVo finally quits on me.

So yeah, that's what I'll be doing all night, instead of enjoying my time alone (my husband is in L.A. for two days).

My Poor Sick Boy

2008-08-20T06:35:00.002-05:00

My son's very sick this morning, and I'm not getting any sleep, which explains why I'm blogging at 6:30 in the morning.

Actually, it seems to have started maybe even before the weekend, but it was weird. He seemed fine during the day, then at night he'd start coughing and sneezing and getting warm. I couldn't figure it out. The last day or so he's been fine, but then yesterday when I went to pick him up from hourly daycare he had diarrhea, then again when we stopped at the post office.

When my husband and I went out to celebrate his birthday, I came back around 11 p.m. to discover he'd thrown up three times while I was gone and went to bed early (for him) at 8:15. He woke me up at 4:30 because he'd had diarrhea in his sleep, and he threw up while I was changing him, and just now he woke up, threw up a couple of times and went right back to sleep. I was preparing a bath for him but now I'll wait until he actually wakes up. Poor kid.

I am working on my Web site, and operating on four hours of sleep. Poor me.

Back to School

2008-08-13T20:25:00.002-05:00

Well, camp ends for my son this week, but he'll probably be attending the hourly daycare center next week so that I can go to work a bit. Because it's summer's end, though, I'd like to take him to a few places--including the Shedd Aquarium, because the Oceanarium is closing for a long time starting the day after Labor Day, and the Shedd is not that exciting without it. Also the Komodo dragons are still on exhibit right now.

I went to a Back to School party last night, which was at RA Sushi, just for fun. Who knew a restaurant in the suburbs could attract such a late-night party crowd? Then again, it's not like there's so much competition. Sadly, I was about the only person I saw who dressed up. They had a schoolgirl costume competition, and I had bought a red plaid skirt and white knee socks and put my hair up in pigtails...I did get a bit nervous walking in. At least the staff was dressed up too, even the guys. But I couldn't actually participate in the contest, because we had to be home by midnight or turn into pumpkins. No, actually, we had to be back to relieve our babysitter. And besides, I was about 15 years older than the other women in the place. Still, with no other competition I should have won the prize.

Well, my husband liked the outfit anyway. :) And I managed to avoid having him take a picture of me. Yeah, like I need that circulating around the Internet.

Other than that, we're enjoying the unseasonably cool weather we're having this week. On Monday, we went to the park and played baseball. My son decided that instead of running to home plate, he'd run to tackle Mommy instead, and after the second time he did that it turned into chase Mommy down...fortunately, I am still faster than he is. Probably not for long, though.

On Music and The X-Files

2008-08-06T10:52:00.002-05:00

I had a revelation the other day when I realized that part of the reason I can't get into music so much these days is that I don't want to be disappointed if I never get to see them in concert. If I love a band, I'll want to see them live. If I can't get a babysitter, or if something goes wrong (like when I wanted to go to Lollapalooza), then I will be very upset. Meanwhile, if I never get to see Miley Cyrus live, who cares? It's pleasant enough music that my son and I can both listen to, that doesn't annoy me like some children's songs after the second hearing, but it doesn't affect me that much. I know, I should expose him to the Beatles instead, but all our Beatles songs are on the iPod, which belongs to my husband, and all our CDs are in storage.

Because my husband saw "Batman" on Sunday, I decided to take the night off last night and see "The X-Files: I Want to Believe." I think it was an attempt to get back to what appealed to fans in the first place, minus the conspiracy stuff--Mulder and Scully's relationship, creepiness and the conflict between her skepticism and his belief. I'm still trying to work out what happened to their relationship. I'm a girl, I do that, I loved all that romantic tension in the original series. But I enjoyed the film, and I'm glad I saw it. Still, I think it probably would have been a better idea for it to have aired as a reunion TV-movie. It would have been easier to make money off it that way, and people would totally have tuned in.

About Work

2008-08-06T09:46:00.004-05:00

The other day I wrote an article about a restaurant, and thanks to my food writing class from last week I was attempting to improve the quality of my work. You know, more exciting verbs and fewer passive sentences, fewer second person references. It felt good to be working on my writing. I don't know that I can really succeed when I don't really have an editor--and I know I need one--but I am trying. I think I only ended up writing a more pretentious piece, but it is a process and I'll do better next time!

Given the fact that I am the only writer, and much of the writing for my magazine was done before I got here, there's only so much I can do. I work 12 hours a week (during a good week, anyway) and update every single thing on the Web site, along with writing all the activities and events listings for the magazine. I've always been itching to get access to the other stuff in the magazine, which often has grammatical or stylistic errors (for example, the use of the plural possessive when the singular is required, AARGH!)--but, as I say, there's only so much one person can do.

My priority right now is really my son, and his preschool hours/issues (like having to stay home for being sick, etc.) really cut into what I can do here. Plus I have no real power, and no desire for it. With power comes responsibility...and stress...and office politics...and more stress...and I have none of that now, which makes for the most mellow job you can think of. I love that. Maybe in a few years I'll be ready for more, and can ask to have more control of editorial. In the meantime, I can work within my limitations.

I get a few perks, like an occasional free museum visit or free meal. I have my extra-curricular Web site, too, which allows me a few interviews to keep up with the entertainment industry. I'm making lots of contacts in the Chicago entertainment world, too, which isn't the worst thing in the world.

My boss last week, after I'd met with my Columbia J-school alumnae, implied that I might be embarrassed telling them what I do. I said no, this is the perfect job for me at this time of my life. And it is. I am content. Except sometimes when I look at the writing quality of the magazine, and I'm itching to get out an editing pen and just change everything. :)

To get a look at it yourself, go to www.windycityguide.com.

Sleepless Tonight

2008-08-04T00:11:00.004-05:00

The last thing I want to be is up blogging tonight, as tomorrow is a workday, but here I am because I can't sleep.

This weekend turned out kind of crappy. We spent much of today dealing with freezer problems. Fortunately, my husband took the lead on that, while I took my son to a local art fair where the sun was way too bright and he ruined a perfectly good Chicago Fire t-shirt while he was painting a car.

Hot, sunny days in August are too much. And two art fairs in Glenview within two weeks are also too much.

I was thinking about going to Lollapalooza today, because my husband made plans to go with a friend to see the Batman movie (traitor! Now I have to go see it by myself). But it turned out to be a moot point, because my babysitter never showed up and I spent the night playing Mario Kart and Hi-Ho Cherry-O and Dinosaur Dominos instead.

Other exciting happenings this week: I went to the Deerfield Farmers' Market, where my son got a balloon sculpture of a palm tree with bananas, which his mom promptly shut in the car door and destroyed. Poor kid.

I went to a food writing class on Wednesday, which was good, except at what point did I start getting older than everyone else in my profession? Some of those people were journalism students. The teacher may have been my age or younger. At least I felt like I had some viable experience to show for my years.

We went to a Fire game last night. The Fire won. It was weird to see some of those former Fire players on the Chivas team.

I didn't get my normal Friday night off, because my husband's poker game was cancelled.

I spent Tuesday at the mall spending all sorts of money on toys and other frivolous items, such as a Build-A-Bear stuffed dog for my son and a Munny and two Webkins. Love that Kidrobot! My friend Lisa and her daughter Joy were there, and my son overcame his fear of the Rainforest Cafe.

I spent Thursday at the zoo with Lisa and Joy too. We got totally soaked in the afternoon when it suddenly started to pour, and we happened to be across the zoo from our car. Since we were already terribly wet, we jumped into the all the puddles getting back to the parking lot.

Oh yeah, our air conditioning was out for two days. Of course, these were 95-degree days. And I dropped the Wii into the wall. And our ice machine stopped working. And I accidentally jammed a Shel Silverstein book into the wall. And our bathroom fan was out, and we have wasps in our house, and our Wii doesn't connect to the Internet anymore.

And I'm going to try to get some rest now. It is waaaay past my bedtime.

Emergency Room Visit #1

2008-07-29T08:03:00.003-05:00

Well, technically my son has been to the emergency room before, but it was for my husband. This was his first visit for himself. We basically went to have his foot looked at, following concerns brought on by the fever. We figured they might drill into his toenail to get the blood out, but at the very least we'd have more information. They actually x-rayed his foot to make sure nothing was broken, then drilled into it, and neither procedure hurt. My son did very well. We got in relatively quickly for an emergency room visit. And I had the foresight to bring the Nintendo DS, which was great for the time we were waiting for the x-ray to develop. At least, I assume that's what we were waiting for.

My husband did very well too. He is notoriously queasy, and admits to having been faint. He couldn't watch during the part they got the blood out, though it didn't bother my son. The doctors assumed he'd be the one holding my boy's leg; of course, I quickly volunteered instead, to save my husband the view. And I'm grateful for my husband's research and his urging us to have this done. Because he tends to be the hypochondriac in the family, I tend to be the opposite, making too little out of these types of things. I'd like to think I'd still have taken him in yesterday, though. Usually, you think, it's the mom who gets hysterical, and don't think I wasn't worried. But sometimes I think I'm the other way just to balance my husband out. We need a voice of reason, after all.

Anyway, my son's toe looks much better. We have to limit his activity for a week or so, so no soccer, and probably more TV. He's sad about missing gymnastics today. But it doesn't seem to hurt. He does want us to carry him everywhere. I think having the band-aid on right now reminds him that he's been injured.

Meanwhile, our A/C has gone out. In fact, we're having some random little problems at our house and may take our house of the market to get some things fixed.

Injured Toe

2008-07-26T16:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday at montessori camp my son got an injury from bringing a picnic table down onto his foot. The picnic table was blocking the kids from driving rideable cars into the iron gate, and apparently wasn't sturdy enough. The big toe on his right foot was hurt, and his toenail is completely purple.

I'm actually amazed that in three years this is the worst injury he's ever received. And grateful, of course. He can't play soccer at the moment, and when we took him to Cantigny Park today we mostly let him ride in the stroller so that he wouldn't hurt his foot more. He climbed on a bunch of tanks, and we had a nice little picnic where we played Boochie ball and baseball. After two hours in the sun my husband is pretty much useless right now--he's taking a nap.

Anyway his toe does seem to be getting better, at least he claims it doesn't hurt as much as yesterday. We'll just have to keep an eye on it. And I have a rather demanding request to play the Hungry Caterpillar game, so I better acquiesce.

Post-Apocalyptic Terror

2008-07-14T14:54:00.004-05:00

I've always enjoyed science fiction, cyberpunk and post-apocalyptic stories. However, since my son was born my desire for these kinds of tales is totally on the wane. In fact, I have to limit myself or go totally nuts.

The reason is that before, I never had to imagine my little boy trying to survive in a war-torn, virus-eaten, zombie-infested, vampire-saturated, alien-invaded world. Last night I watched "I Am Legend," which has a small child's death in it, and I was just haunted. My husband read Cormac McCarthy's The Road and felt the same. I was actually considering starting to read it too--I had just seen it on a list of EW's new literary classics, and though as long as we own the book I might as well. Now I'm thinking I've had my share of picturing my son in devastated landscapes without his mom or dad or both, and I need a break. About the only post-apocalyptic thing I plan to watch anytime soon is "Wall-E," and that at least is a Disney film.

But as my husband points out, we did our American civic duty by watching a Will Smith movie this summer, even if it was not from this year, and we can rest easy now.

At least, I will be able to rest easy once I find this child's birthday invitation for which I need to send my regrets, since we can't make it.

The Path Not Taken

2008-07-10T16:47:00.004-05:00

There's a big journalism conference coming to Chicago in the next couple of weeks, and I find myself reconnecting with a few old J-School buddies in advance of it, because many of them will converge upon Unity (that's what it's called) soon.

I discovered, too, that my old RW1 professor--school slang for Reporting and Writing 1, the most basic and most important course you take at Columbia School of Journalism (and kind of like homeroom in high school)--had an email address for me that was about seven years old. So I sent him a little update on what I was doing, which frankly sounds a little paltry for someone who went to an Ivy League school. My other fellow graduates, many of whom were more prepared for a career in journalism than I was when I first started out, have moved on to do great things. Documentaries, foreign correspondent positions, books...all I've managed to do is stay within the field. Or at least leave it and return to it. Well, sort of. I wouldn't call what I do real journalism.

Not that I'm unhappy with where I am. When my son's a little bigger, perhaps I'll pursue something a tad more ambitious and time-consuming.

And let's face it, though Columbia was a great experience for me, it was also nine intensive months of training. I didn't get to know that many people, which really if I had known it was partially the point, and I wasn't a particularly great journalist. I now believe that I should have gone into the field before attempting a school like that. It challenged me, sure--but maybe I didn't get as much out of it as I would have if I'd known my direction and been able to take advantage of my location, in the media capital of the world. If I'd already had some real-world experience with journalism, I think I could have done better at the school.

On the other hand, I probably wouldn't have jumped into the online world armed with some knowledge of how the Internet worked. This was 1995, after all, and it did help me get my first industry job.

No one at that school ever expected great things out of me, I'm afraid. And I'm just proving them right, but it doesn't bother me too much most of the time. I consider myself an above-average writer and a stickler for grammar. Usually, that's enough to get by. I would love to be recognized for my craft. After all, I've been writing for newspapers regularly since I was in the sixth grade, and writing is still the reason I get up in the morning (other than my son). Who doesn't want to be recognized for their passion, if they're lucky enough to have one?

Nevertheless, I made my choices and chose my path, and I am content in that. For now.

Bitten

2008-07-06T10:51:00.005-05:00

Yes, at the moment I am dealing with a number of mosquito bites, from swimming yesterday and the activities on the 4th. And we're going to another cookout today, which probably means more mosquitoes. I am letting my son watch entirely too much TV today but I have not the energy to care...

My mother-in-law finally stopped by to get her purse, which she left here on Friday complete with her cell phone. I hate it when she just stops in without knocking. And she took our swimming pool key, which I didn't want to give her but couldn't think of a good way to gracefully bow out. It's not that I don't want her to enjoy herself--it's that she's always assuming we will do stuff for her. Like she feels entitled to a better life than the one she can afford.

Of course, it probably doesn't help that I always pay for her meals and such when she's with us, but after all it is the polite thing to do, and if she were MY family she'd refuse.

I suppose that sounds uppity; I insist on paying for her and then resent it. It's just that I was always raised to give my kids the best, to provide for my kids, and to not take advantage and to not be a burden. My parents would never dream of doing such a thing--they would consider it the height of bad manners. They would frankly be ashamed at needing such assistance. And I will never do that to my son. I suppose it's an Asian thing. Once, when my mother-in-law got mad at us for not lending her money, my husband said, "Maybe I'm Asian or something but I would never do that." I was so proud (my husband is Caucasian).

I also wish she'd stop bringing crap over to our house. She thinks she's being nice, and giving us little presents all the time, but it's just more clutter, and most of it comes out of her habit of "dumpster diving." Yeah, that's right. She gives us trash for presents--even birthdays.

All this might be fine if she weren't such a prosaic talker. She has these huge long conversations with us about the most idiotic things, you know, like, "I met this woman in my building and I said do you want to come to the pool with me, I have extra tickets, and it turns out she has a pool of her own." Her conversation is never elevated beyond that, yet she just keeps talking and talking. She never says anything interesting, and what she says always makes me think about the expression that says, if you have nothing to say don't say it at all. She makes comments all the time about my son like, "I love his shoes, don't you love his shoes?" And since I bought them for him, how can I disagree?

At least she says ignorant, racist things only occasionally. There are times when I can't keep silent, when she does that. Still, for the most part we get along fine and I can stand her for short periods of time. And let's face it, I'm writing all this stuff here so I don't blow up at her when I see her--it's a release, and it lets me at least be civil to her in person.

I think part of the problem is that our life, for the most part, is fairly idyllic--we don't want for anything, we can afford gas and vacations and luxuries, and we have a lot of fun. Oh sure, my husband could be less stressed at work, my brother-in-law could be a more attentive uncle, my family could be closer, I could spend less money, my father-in-law could be healthier and those dratted mosquitoes could magically stop biting us, but in general I can't complain. This means that my mother-in-law is the main source of drama in our life, and this makes her a jarring note of dischord in our otherwise happy-yet-normal existence.

Mosquitoes, Mosquitos, Everywhere...

2008-07-05T08:30:00.002-05:00

These insects are the bane of my existence right now. My son got bitten a week or two ago and the bites showed up really big and discolored, like bruises. They looked so bad my husband kind of overreacted and consulted his skin doctor about them. And yesterday we spent some time in a backyard with friends, and there were mosquitoes everywhere, so even with bug spray I got bit several times (in places where I could not put bug spray, including my hair, and that's all I'll say about that). Yuck. I think I have about four bites, and my son has at least two.

But we had a good time. In the morning we marched in the local parade with supporters of local Democrats, especially our U.S. congressional candidate Dan Seals. My son loved giving out candy, you should have seen him going, "You want candy?" and when we ran out, saying, "Sorry, no more!" Then in the evening we went to the fireworks with our friends, after going to their little cookout, and my son loved them. He wasn't scared at all.

Other than that, I've been doing very little reading, in favor of playing Mario Kart on the Wii in the evenings. I've discovered a renewed interest in Shakespeare, thanks to seeing a production of "A Comedy of Errors," and reading Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue, and my son is pooping in the potty now hooray, and that's really pretty much it. My life is kind of boring right now.

June Weekend

2008-06-22T15:08:00.002-05:00

There's always so much going on in Chicago in summertime, but we've been taking it pretty easy. This weekend I'm cat-sitting, which makes it a little harder to schedule things. But my client has this beautiful garden and we had a little picnic in his gazebo yesterday (with the cat), after we discovered that I had the wrong day for a birthday party we tried to go to. It was actually today. Stupid me.

It's nice to start getting to know some of the parents from my son's school, and this particular party was at a gymnastics center. It worked out well, and I think I'm going to sign him up for classes there. He loved it, and the price is right. It's a bit of a drive for us, but if there's no traffic it's not bad at all. I'd been wanting to put him into a gymnastics class, in preparation for team sports in a year or two, and this seems like a good place for it.

We also had an open house, and in preparation for it I had one of those mornings. As I was cleaning up my son suddenly decides to rearrange the furniture and the cat throws up in four different places in the dining room. On top of that, I put some filled trash bags on the floor and they start to leak. And the blinds don't work properly...aargh. At least it's over and we can relax the cleanliness thing for a bit. Maybe.

This weekend was stressing me out at a low level, probably just because of the cat-sitting and the open house and the party and other random little things (such as exhaustion and the preschool administration losing our last tuition check and writing that article on "The Middleman"), and I kinda lost it when my husband hogged the washing machines yesterday. But the weekend's mostly over, and that helps. Plus, finally deciding a summer class has helped, 'cause I'd been putting that off for weeks due to budget concerns and general wishy-washiness.

As a final random note, I've discovered that several of the media outlets that participated in that press conference interview I did this past week went the lazy route and posted the whole thing, rather than writing an article (stupid me, for doing the extra work and ending up with less content out there). So here's a link to one of the transcripts now up on the Web, where I am listed as being from bellaonline.com and asking a couple of questions of the actor Matt Keeslar at pinkraygun.com.

Incidentally, I do like this site and thought for a few minutes I might want to join up or at least become a regular--but much as I enjoy scifi, and am a girl, and don't really mind snark, it sometimes gets to be too much for me. I don't think everything needs to be made fun of or criticized, or else it just gets too painfully and self-consciously hip. I'm a nice person I think, and sometimes stuff that's deliberately mean in the name of sporting a certain attitude just isn't for me.

And Life Marches On

2008-06-16T14:44:00.003-05:00

We had a nice weekend. On Saturday we went to a birthday party for one of Noel's classmates, which was at Ravinia. That was fun, and it was nice to see some of Noel's school friends again. Some of them won't be back in the fall, so this may have been the last time he saw a couple of them. In the evening my husband took my son swimming with his mom, leaving me to clean up the house in anticipation of a showing on Sunday.

On Sunday I did my usual volunteer gig, and in the evening I took my husband out for an evening at Second City e.t.c. I couldn't believe he's lived here all his life and never been to a Second City show. We had a good time, but left before the final improv segment in order to get home and get psyched for the week ahead. I did not see my son very much that day, and I missed that.

Right now he's napping. I thought he might have lost his orange kitty, which he told me today was "my best friend in the whole wide world" at the sandwich shop, but fortunately he'd just gotten stuck behind the car seat. I couldn't sleep with him, because it occurred to me I better make sure I had the tape recorder set up for my conference call interview tomorrow with the actor from a TV show. Fortunately that wasn't too hard, as the last time I thought I might have an interview of that kind I bought a new land-line phone, cassette tapes and recording device. Not very high-tech, but whatever. As long as it works.

Life is all right. I'm enjoying myself and I feel like I'm accomplishing things, not working too hard, spending plenty of time with my boy (except for yesterday). I'm writing a lot, working on a new fan fiction piece, buying things for myself on occasion, trying to make my appearance neater, and trying to be organized. I even made cinnamon rolls the other day, so I'm even cooking a tiny eensy-weensy bit. I'm not reading anything in particular, somehow, although I've got plenty of books to sink my teeth into after the book fair last week (wish I could have gone one...more...time). So I guess I will go now and try to make up that extra couple hours of sleep I missed last night, and read if I can't do that.

Hey Little Sister

2008-06-06T13:42:00.004-05:00

My sister came to visit for a few days from Switzerland. She's three years younger and three years more mature than me. It's always been that way--she has better taste, she had an easier time making friends in school, and she's way smarter and more cosmopolitan than I am. We've always been pretty close. She thinks my son is wonderful, and so do I, so we have that in common...

He's been really good lately, though, very cheerful and fun and very few fussy moments. He totally charmed my sister with hugs and affectionate words, and he's been listening very well. "Okay, I will try not to spill," he says, or "Okay, I don't run away from mommy."

He's downstairs banging away on his new drum set while watching Thomas the Tank Engine right now. We're taking it easy today, now that my sister's gone. We just went to an open house for his school, then he helped me make lunch. We're going to the doctor, but he's scared because he doesn't want to get a shot. He hasn't had a real nap in days, and he won't get one till Monday, because we have too many things to do. That means I'm really tired as well, and I've been going to bed the same time as him (around 8:30 or 9 p.m.).

My husband is out of town again for a couple of days. I wish he wouldn't go, but his mother needs help moving and she won't do it herself. Don't know how I'm going to manage working from home this weekend--I have a story on the Field Museum to write (we went there on Tuesday to see the new exhibit), as well as events listings.

That's all. I've started a new journal, just because I bought this old-fashioned handmade leather one that looks like it came out of a Jane Austen movie, and I love writing in it.

Retail Therapy Day

2008-05-31T17:20:00.002-05:00

I just got back from a day of mall walking and shopping. I spent too much money, but most of it was on birthday presents and I've succeeded in getting gifts for four children, two teachers and my sister.

I was with a friend, and it was nice to chat without our kids. We used to be roommates, so we know each other quite well. But I don't think we'd ever gone to the mall and shopped for clothes together--while we were living together I spent many weekends out at my future husband's place and our place was downtown, where there aren't many big shopping meccas of that type.

I'm so glad this week is over. I had trouble sleeping Thursday night, and there are lots of thank you notes to write, and my sister will be visiting for three and a half days this week. I am awaiting feedback on a new story I wrote, and I just remembered Father's Day is next week...

Before I get stressed, I better go.

Totally Lost the Plot

2008-05-28T09:18:00.004-05:00

I'm at work, but I just had to check in and say...d'oh.

I can't believe how spaced I've been since the party ended. It's a little past nine a.m. and this is what I've done today:

1. been an hour late to work because my husband neglected to take our son to school, even though he told me last night that he would.

2. discovered we completely forgot to take our son to his school's big end-of-year party, with pony rides and games and all sorts of activities, which took place last night. Instead I let him watch too much TV all day...

3. told my mother-in-law that her ex-husband had surgery for prostate cancer (she asked why he wasn't at the party). And I didn't just tell her, I assumed she knew and I told her we'd all talked about it, so I'm like "duh, because he's recovering from surgery." Turns out my husband was keeping it quiet so he wouldn't have to discuss it with her, which means I broke the news in a pretty callous and unfeeling way.

4. spent hours and hours obsessing over the stupid favor bags--did everyone get age-appropriate toys? Did anyone get shortchanged? Did I have enough Pez dispensers...CDs...coloring books...did the kids like them...it's driving me mad.

Aargh. And there's still plenty of day left for me to screw up.

Birthday Blues

2008-05-20T19:41:00.003-05:00

My son's birthday party is Monday, and I find myself in the position of taking care of all the planning on my own, because my husband will be in Las Vegas until Sunday. Now this is not the end of the world, of course, but I do feel a bit overwhelmed by all the places I'm going to have to drag him over the next few days to get his birthday presents, food for the party, decorations, flowers for the patio, a snack and favors for his school friends, regular groceries and all that. In addition to that, since his actual birthday is Sunday I'm going to have to plan something special (a trip to the zoo? Aquarium? Museum?) for that day.

We still aren't having the best weather here. It's been above 62 maybe three times this year. The pool, I'm sure, won't be open in time for my son's party at this rate.

My husband's been having a hard time at work, too. He's very busy, and some judges have been reduced his morale lately by rendering pretty stupid decisions against his clients. At least, anyone with common sense would think so. My husband cares too much, and that makes him take it more personally than he probably should. On the other hand, if he didn't care so much he wouldn't be as good a lawyer, or as good a person.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit down lately. Maybe it's all the overcast weather and the lack of opportunity to wear all those short-sleeved dresses I bought for this year. Maybe it's that I will be without my husband for five days. Maybe I'm just run down and need a bit of extra sleep.

Wright Plus Weekend

2008-05-18T09:05:00.002-05:00

I've had a very pleasant weekend, though it was also hard work. I spent Friday night and all of Saturday volunteering for the Wright Plus housewalk in Oak Park. Whew. By the end my feet were tired, my arms (my arms?) were sore and I was ready for bed. I actually fell asleep watching TV when I was home. I never do that.

But it was a lot of fun. I met some great people, including one who runs the Chicago Cambodian museum--I didn't even know there was one, and a young couple from out of town I liked so much I just wanted to adopt them. The girl reminded me of one of my high school friends; the guy quoted "The Princess Bride" and won my interest that way. There was also one woman who claimed she was hard to get along with and rarely made new friends normally, but she was outgoing and friendly with us. The nice thing about the Wright Preservation Trust is that it seems to have a more diverse volunteer corps than other places I've worked with outside the city--not just older white people who are retired. And I just love Oak Park. If I survive my husband I'm totally going to move down there when I get old.

All the volunteers are assigned to different houses, and the one I was in was just so beautiful, Although it wasn't a Wright home, I think it was the best one from a modern standpoint. Sometimes in a Wright house, I think, art gets in the way of living. We had a house cheer and some fabulous people. I wish we'd had even more time, so I could have gotten to get to know them more.

I was stationed in three different spots, talking practically the whole time. Two of my stations were right in front, where you really have to time your speech right and hurry things along so that the line keeps moving. But that was nice because I got to see what was going on outside and be in the sunshine and the breeze.

After eight hours of talking, sitting and standing (I had a two hour break but I walked over to the home and studio to get a throw, and I talked with other volunteers in our break room while eating all the food everyone brought) I was sore. My feet were sore, and I must have gestured with my hands a lot because my arms were sore. I can't tell you how many times I said "rectilinear" that day. And made a rectangle with my hands to demonstrate. Maybe 200. And I kept wanting to say "Chicago Agricultural Club" instead of "Architectural" for some reason. I almost never got the name "Vernon Spencer Watson" right; kept transposing the two first names. Ah well, I did enjoy it, and the party afterwards. The weather was perfect, the visitors were nice, and this is why I love volunteering.

My Birthday Was Good, Mother's Day Not So Much

2008-05-14T13:29:00.004-05:00

I haven't had time to sit down and write anything for several days. That's not unusual, of course. Finally things seem to be winding down a little bit, though I still have plenty to do. This weekend will be a whirlwind of volunteering, and my son's birthday party is in two weeks so that's just more on my plate.

I had a pleasant birthday. I took my son to see Elmo Live, which was nice for us both because it utilized songs and characters from my childhood, too. And as a bonus, we discovered turning into the parking lot that our friends the Morgans were there too. When we got home, my husband had organized a little scavenger hunt for us to find my gifts. We then went to the mall that evening to do a little shopping, have a nice Corner Bakery dinner and put my son in the play area for awhile.

My mother's day didn't end up quite so well. My son was fussy, my original plan (to hang out with a friend at the mall and do some lunch and shopping without the family) did not come together, and when we went to the mall again my son spilled milk all over my nice purse. That sort of thing. Then I had to do a dinner with my mother-in-law, who chose a salad place for us to take her. It's a step up from Old People's Buffet, I mean, Old Country Buffet, but that's about all, and I didn't really enjoy it. Well, she did, so that's good. But my son couldn't sit through dinner so my husband took him out for most of the meal.

On Monday, though, I did get to go out with some friends, and that was nice despite the bittersweet news we had to impart to one friend. Since then it's been dreary but normal at our house, thanks to the rain and the overcast skies. I'm watching a lot of "Doctor Who" and reading World War Z, a book about a zombie war. The other night I had a dream about zombie children that only attack when you blink. I wrote an article about modern art, and now I really want to go to some museums.

Now I'm tired. I'm losing sleep every night, and since my son is starting to nap less I'm not making any of that sleep up. I have all these things to do that I don't have time for. I'd like to do some of my work from home, I'd like to do some writing, I'd like to read, I have to write for my own Web site...I'm barely keeping up. And my husband's busy too, so I'm not currently getting any help from that end.

Well, I better go. I have laundry I need to do.

My Thirty Voices Swap Package

2008-05-09T18:56:00.007-05:00

Before I left for Palm Springs, I received a package. I was part of the Thirty Voices blogging project from March 2007 and March 2008, and the creators had this great idea to do a swap at the end where we'd send stuff to someone else who participated in the project. My package came from Belarus!

I hereby apologize to Jenn, who has been waiting for me to post this, because when I left town and then returned I completely spaced about putting my thanks to her on this blog. I also don't have a picture yet; I am trying to keep the package relatively intact until then, but I may eat all the chocolate before I get around to it. When I do I will post it here.

In my package:

-Animal crackers (my son LOVES these, what a great idea!)
-A dress/shoe/purse-inspired sticky note set that will be all over my house soon
-A wine stationery set
-A miniature Matroska doll within a doll set (I've always wanted one of these)
-Peanut brittle with dried apricots (yummy)
-miniature chocolate bars, 6 originally I think, since I ate some already (I wish I could read the labels)
-chocolate wafers (2 packs)
-three packs of wafers/crackers of some kind, I can't read the labels but they look good
-four juice boxes, I don't know exactly what's in them but I taste guava at least and I can't wait to try the others

I'm really looking forward to diving into these more deeply. Jenn, if you're out there, thank you so much for my treats and the peek at another culture. Have you left Belarus yet? Your package definitely made me smile.

Homestretch

2008-05-09T15:56:00.004-05:00

For some reason, this week has felt like a marathon. But Sunday is the last day of my self-imposed test of stamina, at least for a few days while I rest up in anticipation of birthday madness.

Actually, I turn 36 tomorrow. This is a birthday that has little reality in my feelings. Who cares? My son's birthday is in (hyperventilating now) two weeks! I have a million things to do...Besides, I'm 36. It's an age that doesn't seem to mean anything, except oh wait, I just thought of something, I'm no longer in my mid-30s, I'm in my lower-upper 30s. Yikes. Wish I hadn't thought of that.

It started Wednesday, mostly, when my mother-in-law suddenly wanted to get together and I had to rearrange my schedule to accommodate her. This included my completely forgetting the spring recognition ceremony for my son's school, but whatever. In the evening I went out with a friend because she won tickets to a Cheap Trick concert at the newly re-opened Hard Rock Cafe, which as far as re-openings went, was a little disappointing, mainly because they closed their kitchen and made us all stand outside in the pouring rain for 45 minutes. I was soaked. When I got in I spent the concert wringing out my clothes.

Cheap Trick was my favorite band from age 10-17, really. My first concert, I believe, was Cheap Trick opening for Heart in Worchester, Mass. I saw them once again at Taste of Chicago, back when I thought the Taste was worth going to. This is the closest I'd ever been to them--four rows back. They played all their top hits, but of my personal favorite songs they probably played three out of the 10. Still, I'm sure at this point in their career they can play to please themselves, mostly. I didn't know three songs, including the theme to "That '70s Show." And I got a guitar pick.

Yesterday there was a Language Stars class, then the children's museum, then in the evening I had committed to a Mom's night out event, pedicures and manicures at a local place. I didn't want to go, didn't feel like socializing with these woman, all of them interesting, many of whom had had one new child since I saw them last...I totally mistook one mom for someone else, stupid me. Of course, I remembered exactly who she was later, but I felt like an idiot. I think I called one other mom someone else's name--I have never been great with names and faces. I can remember stuff about them, just not those. As it turned out I would have liked to stay longer, but I had to get to bed.

To take my son at 4 a.m. to the zoo to be on a TV spot for Stingray Bay. But there was so much condensation in the tent and it was 40 degrees out, and my son had gotten so little sleep (he went to bed not long before I did, apparently) that he was fussy and tired and wet and cold. So we left early.

He seems to be in a stage where he's easily frustrated and upset. His tantrums are quite short usually, not too violent, but he does have them. And he never listens to me. I have to try to be more patient. He is only three, after all, and I don't want to punish him for being a kid, but it's hard. I hate raising my voice even as I do it and feel guilty whenever I know I'm doing that. The other day he caught his raincoat in a Barnes & Noble escalator because he kept playing with it even when I told him not to. For example. It kinda freaked me out, I took him home immediately for disobeying me.

Maybe that's why this week feels like such a test.

So I went to work after having been awake already four hours at 8 a.m., and finally got in a nap this afternoon. But tomorrow is another day, with Elmo Live! and us seeing a house we like and it happens to be my birthday, then Sunday I was planning to go shopping all day with a friend but now I have to cut it short because a) my husband needs to work in the morning and b) my mother-in-law decided to stay in town to make us treat her for Mother's Day.

That's been a little frustrating. She kept saying she might leave town that day, which made it hard for us to make any plans because we didn't know if she'd be around or not. Then when I chided her gently about it, saying that we would have liked to do something for her, suddenly she decides to stay and upends our plans at the very last minute (we found out this morning) so now we have to scramble to find time to treat her after all. Our original plan, before we thought she was leaving town, was for me to go off with my friend so he and my son could treat her, so I wouldn't have to deal with her that day--a really nice Mother's Day gift for me. If only she'd create a schedule and stick to it.

I'm getting stressed just thinking about it, because I forgot to get her present today. Aargh.

Palm Springs and Parenthood, Mini-Golf and Fan Fiction

2008-05-04T08:21:00.006-05:00

It took us so long, but at least spring seems to be here. I've been lax about writing--life keeps getting in the way, I guess.

We took our usual Palm Spring trip and discovered that downtown Palm Springs is suffering--at least three or four stores that were there last year were just gone. The Jamba Juice moved away from downtown. Still, we discovered a cute little new restaurant just across from our hotel called Look, and visited some of the places we liked, and discovered some new ones. We hiked in Taquiz Canyon--my son was a trouper, covering what must have been a mile and a half of pretty challenging terrain before he got too tired and had my husband carry him.

Of course there was the music festival, Coachella. I discovered something startling about myself when I was joking about how my son and I were going to be in the air-conditioned coolness of the hotel while my friend and my husband listened to music in the soaring 103-degree heat. She said, "Admit it. You'd rather be out there with us." And it was true! This is probably why I'm going to have only one child. I love my son like crazy and I love doing things for him and with him, but I'd rather be at Coachella, even not knowing any of the bands, even having to contemplate the use of super-disgusting porta potties.

My son seems to have developed an allergy to sunblock. Either that, or both kinds of sunblock (both for sensitive skin) we used on him just didn't work! This is kind of worrisome. I'm going to have to do some label comparing to see if something else will work instead.

The other thing that happened during Palm Springs is I started to wonder if I'm introducing too many rules to my son's life. I don't want him to feel boxed in my convention, though I certainly want him to respect other people and rules when it's appropriate. We went to a mini-golf place, which he loved (we went three times over four days, in the end) and he kept veering off the course onto holes from the other two courses (there were three, intertwined with one another). At first I insisted he stay on our course, and then I wondered, why am I doing that? There's no one here to complain. So I made a point of letting him go to whatever hole he wanted to play, without regard for sequence although I did steer him back to our course on occasion if only to make sure he got to play at least 18 holes.

Anyway, it was a nice trip. Flying straight into and out of Palm Springs was nice, although the food choices at the Palm Springs airport were not helpful to my vegetarian husband, who could only eat snacks. And our flight was delayed due to snow and other bad weather in Chicago (in late April!). I'll let other more knowledgeable people babble on about Coachella. I will only say that I saw a veritable sampler of bands I didn't know on my day (Friday) and enjoyed them a lot. A good variety of music, too. I also got to see some of Vampire Weekend, the Breeders and somebody else I know that I can't remember right now.

Now we're back in the swing of things. Our house went on the market just before we left and there were some open houses and showings while we were gone (which caused some stress before we left, I can tell you) but nothing since then. A couple of pet-sitting jobs also complicated the picture, but allowed me to read a whole new bunch of Jane Austen imitators while I was sitting for people.

My son has been saying some great things. Last week, as we were passing a fire station, he said, "When I get bigger I can rescue people! I will have a fire truck and take people to the doctor." And he tells me "I wuv you five hundred dollars!" Then when I up him he says, "I wuv you five dollars!" He's also afraid of monsters and thunder and has taken to sleeping in the closet again. Such a sweetheart. I took him to the zoo on Thursday for the employee opening of Stingray Bay and he stayed there for over an hour petting stingrays. I'm taking him today too but Stingray Bay will probably be full of visitors.

And in other news, I've been feeling pretty good about life. I think part of the reason is that I'm working again, yet still able to do everything with my son. And to my surprise, I've started writing fan fiction. I've never written fiction before, but I joined the A-Team Storyboard and actually got inspired. So I just posted my second story to the board on Friday. It's exciting to be trying something new, and something that I was afraid of. It feels kind of silly to be writing fan fiction, of all things--but I know the settings and can focus on certain parts of the craft without worrying about character and world creation until later.

I guess that's it for now. I had a lot to say, because I've been so busy. Upcoming: my birthday, Mother's Day and my son's birthday. It'll be a busy month.

Reflections on My Week

2008-04-11T22:07:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling a little strange tonight--tired, moody, slightly stressed. I think the "strange" part comes from the fact that the week started off so euphorically, and I've had these big ups and mild downs.

I determined I would do no work after noon today, and now I can't help thinking about all the stuff I should have done--laundry, cleaning, writing, editing, replying to certain emails, putting together a care package for someone. I lost my favorite cup today, which I've only had for a couple of weeks. I got it from the Frank Lloyd Wright Home & Studio because of my volunteer work there. My son has been fussy all day, in part because my husband didn't come home from work--he went to Wisconsin to play poker at the casino, thus depriving my boy of his usual evening pastime of playing video games. Also because I withheld his nap from him today so he'd go to bed at a reasonable hour. Lately he's been having trouble sleeping without me too.

Then there's the issue of our cat, who is being treated for a urinary tract infection right now, and the fact that our house is being put on the market soon, and we just did a refinancing of our home, and I have to get my driver's license renewed, and our toilet's broken, and the air conditioning in my car doesn't work (probably a leftover problem from the pole crash in December that wasn't noticed). And the weather. It rained all day yesterday. We're into mid-April and we've only had two days all year where it was pleasant enough to be outside for long.

The good things that happened: Kansas won the NCAA championship, of course. I seriously thought about driving to Lawrence on Sunday before the Monday game. But as my sister pointed out, no matter where we are the win feels just as good. Sometimes I think people who just attended the school don't even understand the depth of emotion we feel at these moments. KU isn't the place I went to school. It's my whole life. I learned there, both inside classrooms and outside them. I went to preschool there, for heaven's sake. My father worked there. I spent summers on campus, I attended museums on campus, I went to concerts on campus, I caught a turtle on campus. Most of my childhood was spent there it seems. I will love that place above any other until the day I die. How can I even describe how it felt to be part of that win?

We saw Vampire Weekend on Sunday. This was in doubt for awhile, since my darling husband forgot to line up a babysitter and there were several hours there where I didn't think I'd get to go at all. So I'm happy about that.

I wrote a piece of throwaway fan fiction just on a whim--it took me an hour or two tops, and it was well-received by my peers. This means a lot to me. I've had my writing out there for ages, but never fiction. I chose a pre-made world to experiment in on purpose, and I really am proud of my efforts. In fact I'm amazed I could come up with something so clever. Of course now I doubt I could ever do it again...but I keep looking at the praise I was sent by email, like I can't get enough of it. It's validation of sorts, you know, even if it's 20 people on a listserve for a television show few people care about except as trivia from the '80s.

So it's been a weird week and I feel it very much. I also feel very much in need of sleep, so good night.

Oh, The Horror...

2008-03-31T17:44:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's happened. I had my first "I don't love Mommy" experience today. My son actually said, "I don't love you. You're mad all the time!" I admit I was a bit frustrated that he wouldn't nap today, but I think he was exaggerating. Now he keeps telling us that he loves Daddy and not me. Right now he's in the bath with my husband, who's trying to convince him that he does indeed love me. Sigh.

I knew it would happen sometime. I figured I had a year or two still before it did. And I saw it coming. Lately he's been more excited about spending time with his father than with me. In the middle of the night, he'll wake up and say, "I want my Daddy."

I am quite verklemmt at the moment. And I can't help feeling a bit surly about it all. He keeps wanting me to do stuff for him, and I can't help thinking, "Oh yeah, why should I do all this for someone who doesn't love me?" But I do it. It's my job, after all, and I better harden myself to this sort of thing. He's not even 3, for heaven's sake. He doesn't really understand. And I've got many years of hearing things I don't really want to hear coming my way.

Still Waiting for Spring...

2008-03-24T10:22:00.004-05:00

Life has been pretty normal and routine. We haven't had a day over 50 degrees so far this year, and there's snow on the ground again right now.

I'm currently fighting depression based on the fact that I've finally accepted the fact we will probably have to give up our cat Beasley. He's so sweet and loving, but his urinating problem is back again and my husband won't stand for it. I've decided I need to be the one to find a new home for Beasley because if I let him do it, he might act out of haste or frustration. I get visions in my head of my cat, out in the cold hard world, in a home where people don't love him as much as we do. He sleeps with my son practically every day at naptime, and he's just so sweet. How can I let him go? I cry every time I think about giving him up. I think how he's going to be labeled as an "unwanted" cat and I think, he's not! He's wanted, but I can't keep him...

On the plus side, we're looking forward to some trips away, including one this week to a waterpark in the Wisconsin Dells. Speaking of which, the Tribune apparently came out with a copycat article of my waterpark article for the Windy City Guide yesterday--same format and everything. Anyway, we're also headed for Palm Springs in a month. And I'm actually enjoying the fact that it's Spring Break. I took my son to the mall on Good Friday and did some spring shopping.

I'd better go, though, because we need to get groceries. More later.

I Hate Being Sick

2008-03-06T07:12:00.002-06:00

For the second time in two weeks we're all sick at my house again. It sucks. I haven't had a cold this bad in ages. I spent most of Sunday and Monday in bed--I was so weak and achy I couldn't get up. My parents were in town overnight, too, and I barely got to see them. Trying to get enough work hours in was a struggle. On top of that, our babysitter/my husband's legal assistant gave us two weeks' notice so it will be even more of a struggle. She's quitting right before Spring Break, too, and I don't know how I'm going to work that week.

So this week has not been very good. I haven't been anywhere except work, which was an ordeal. We had a night reserved at Sybaris to celebrate a late Valentine's Day, which we had to postpone again. My son and I are still coughing and he's watched so much TV because I just don't have the energy to entertain him all the time. My husband succumbed just before a big trial date. I'm supposed to go out tonight to a party but I just don't know if I'll make it.

It's still cold out. In fact it looks like we had another dusting of snow last night. Life could be better.

More Anecdotes from An Ordinary Life

2008-02-18T19:30:00.004-06:00

We've settled into a routine, more or less, with school and work, although we were sick last week. Today my son and I took our holiday seriously and went to the mall. He was too afraid of the Rainforest Cafe, which was our lunch destination, so we shopped and had McDonald's instead.

This past weekend was unusual. I celebrated Valentine's Day by going out to dinner with a girlfriend--my husband and I deferred our celebration because we were sick, and because we had so many commitments coming up on the weekend. A friend from my hometown came for a visit on Friday, so we spent the weekend with her. Saturday night we all went to see the band Super Furry Animals. On Sunday night we had a slight babysitter snafu, which sort of emphasizes the reason why we don't buy a whole lot of theater tickets right now. We did get to the Chris Rock show on time, and it was fun, although we were sitting beside a guy who literally did not crack a smile during the entire show. What was he doing there, anyway? It got kind of distracting after a while--we kept stealing glances at him, wondering if anything Chris Rock said would break through his stoic demeanor. Yes, he was white.

Anyway, I'm feeling all right about things. My husband and I were having a minor relationship problem that seems to have been worked through okay, which is a relief. I don't mind my work much at all, although I was a little put out at having to do a last-minute article at home last week. Still, I like to encourage my boss to let me work at home so I can't complain too much. My son enjoys school, and although I am still a bit down about the weather I am glad to have successfully scheduled some real "me" time coming up, including the Galacticruise.

My son went through a three-day phase where handling him was incredibly frustrating--he refused to nap, he melted down at the slightest provocation, that sort of thing--and I'm embarrassed to say I resorted to spanking him once. I just couldn't figure out what else to do. It actually did hurt me more than it hurt him.

He's into puzzles right now, and in the past week he's gotten three new ones. He's pretty good at it. My husband claims my son has better instincts for puzzles than he does.

That's all for now. My husband's celebrating this little holiday by playing poker, so I'm going to indulge and maybe watch some Jane Austen movies or something. I should try to stay silent; I'm losing my voice from all the throat irritation caused by my illness.

Disgruntled

2008-02-07T19:39:00.001-06:00

I just had a rather hostile message from a friend of mine, a Hillary Clinton supporter, who was saying really horrible things about Barack Obama and made me kind of mad. I felt the same way when another friend kept bad-mouthing Hillary, but at least she didn't actually attack Hillary--she just kept sending me articles about why Hillary isn't the best choice for president. Trying to be fair here, since I like both candidates, and I thought we were all on the same side. Little did I know.

Plus my husband took my son out and made it clear he didn't want me to come. Normally I would like that, but tonight I'd been feeling guilty about NOT spending enough time with him this week and I was also feeling cooped up and wanted to go out. I suppose I still could have by myself, except I'm also feeling a lack of disposable income and I didn't want to spend any money. And if I left the house I'm sure it would have been to go shopping.

So my mood is not the best right now. I don't really have anything to do, except read and watch TV and eat diet food. How exciting is my life?

My current project is probably the geekiest ever--I'm trying to arrange it so I can go to Galacticruise, the shipboard scifi convention. I'm also trying to figure out if it would be completely masochistic for me to do the 3-day breast cancer walk this year. It's all in an attempt to start doing things for myself again, rather than always letting my son and husband take precedence and get to do all the fun stuff. I've also been reading some trashy romance novels, which is quite unusual for me.

The weather is getting me down. As pretty as I think the snow is, I'm cold all the time and I want some spring weather to come.

More Bad News

2008-01-27T22:36:00.000-06:00

Wow. Since December it seems like my family is cursed. On Friday we found out my father-in-law has two kinds of cancer. He'll be having surgery probably soon. I'm trying not to worry about it too much at the moment; there's nothing we can do except offer our support.

I read somewhere recently about a theory that everyone gets one good decade, and then the rest of life pretty much sucks. I'd say my decade is over.

My son and I spent the last week in Kansas. He started singing the alphabet song all the time, and "Twinkle, Twinkle" and he's starting to try to sing along to songs he knows, like the ones from "High School Musical 2." You should hear him go "I want more!" like Sharpay does. And he accompanies himself on the piano, although he kind of drowns his own voice out as he's pounding (more or less randomly) on the keys.

He's also reading numbers well. He has this puzzle, where you match numbered pieces to numbered squares to make a picture, and he can do it virtually without any help. He impressed some people at the airport reading gate numbers.

He also charmed my mom, as usual. When we were getting into the car to go to the airport, he turned around and ran to her for a hug and a goodbye. It was cute.

I did get a few hours to hang with my friend Becca. We even saw a movie one night. Other than that it was mostly Science City at Union Station (mainly the mini-golf course) and the natural history museum at the University of Kansas. We tried to take him to a dinosaur-themed restaurant called T-Rex, but he'd just woken up from a nap and you should have seen him tremble at the sight of the giant tyrannosaurus rex in the lobby. He was so scared, we had to leave. And then he told his grandma all about how scared he was. I felt cruel just having taken him inside. Poor little guy. But he enjoyed the trip. While we were leaving he kept saying, "We come back to Kansas City."

Now we're back to reality--school and work tomorrow. I should be asleep, but I napped with him this afternoon after we saw "High School Musical on Ice"--he liked it and tried to sing along a few times, but fell asleep right before the end. I'm afraid I'll just be lying in bed unable to fall asleep if I go to bed too early. I watched "Mansfield Park," my indulgence for the day.

Changes

2008-01-21T12:41:00.000-06:00

It's been such a busy month so far, with the new adjustments to my schedule, and tomorrow my son and I are going to visit my mom. It will be a nice break. I'm looking forward to finally having some time to myself; although, to be honest, I probably won't get any.

My son has adjusted to school well. In fact, he was just fine on the first day. This made me both happy and sad--happy that we'd prepared him well (thanks to Elmo and Blue videos and lots of talking), sad that he's growing up. Then the next couple of times we dropped him off he cried. Now he's fine again, but every time I pick him up he says, "I missed you! You're here" And he says it over and over all day. But the teacher always says really nice things about him--what a joy he is, how quickly he picks things up, how it seems like he's been there forever, how adorable he and a classmate looked doing something. That helps.

I have adjusted to work, too. I had a brief few tense moments because the preschool administrator admonished me (pretty harshly) for picking my son up so late. I had to work to a certain time and there was traffic. But I adjusted my schedule with no real problem and now it's all fine again. I enjoy my work; it's fairly easy, not very stressful, but I get to do things I like to do and learn about Chicago events and places to go. My employers are kind and seem to like what I've done so far.

Of course, there is one side effect to this whole thing, which is that I feel my time is more circumscribed than ever. And since I'm surrounded by press releases and information about great things to do, I can't help wishing I had the time to do some of those things. I don't have much time to myself, except for naptime, and then I feel like I have to clean things during that time. After my son goes to bed it's usually already 9 p.m. or even later, and my husband needs a little of my attention too. I can sneak a few minutes here and there to read or surf the Internet, but not to go out and do anything. I'd love to browse a bookstore by myself, or shop for...something, or visit an art museum. A couple of weeks ago I did go to book club by myself, but I had to rush home for a visit from my aunt and cousin. But if I do go out to do something by myself, I feel guilty at leaving my husband home to take care of the baby when he works so hard all week. He's been on trial, which is never easy.

I know my complaint is not exactly new. I'm sure millions of moms have the same problem. And I love being with my son. He's so fun. But I am hoping this week my mom won't find it too hard to handle him and I can sneak out for dinner with a friend without too much trouble.

Things Are Looking Up, I Guess

2008-01-04T19:49:00.000-06:00

My little cockatiel was put to sleep on Wednesday morning. It was hard to do. He was doing well, and so happy to be spending time with us. He makes these little grinding sounds with his beak when he's content, and he was doing that while sitting with us that morning. I suppose I should get used to using the past tense when talking about him.

My son doesn't understand, although after his nap he woke up crying and saying, "Where's Vince?" He says they "took him away" and "put him to bed."

I miss my little bird. It's amazing how such a little creature can have such a big personality.

But on Thursday we found my husband's wallet complete with most of the cash, and then in the evening Barack Obama's win in the Iowa caucuses cheered us considerably, as did KU's win in the Orange Bowl. I talked to my sister today and booked the hotel for our Palm Springs trip, so that was a good thing as well. Hearing my son laugh while he is watching Elmo's Ready For School DVD helps too.

Now if I can just get through the next week intact, I'll be set.

A Bittersweet Holiday

2007-12-31T21:03:00.000-06:00

It's New Year's Eve. We've finished our partying, and it's 9 p.m. That's okay; I've never had a particularly good time on this holiday for some reason.

For the record, my son got his train table on Christmas morning, and even spun a tale about having seen Santa Claus delivering it, with his reindeer landing on the roof. I however, happen to know that Santa Claus came in the form of one daddy and his friend. Said friend turns out to be quite handy, and fixed the train table so well it's probably sturdier than when it was brand new.

Christmas itself was so great, it was probably one of the best we'd ever had. I loved seeing my son's face on Christmas day. We went to Milwaukee for the afternoon and had a nice time with my husband's family and friends of my brother-in-law.

The next day my sister called from Switzerland with news of her miscarriage. It's kinda been downhill since then. I can't remember a more turbulent week of my life.

My husband lost his wallet on Saturday night. On Sunday morning, I went to feed my pet bird Vince, only to discover him on the bottom of his cage, fluffed up and very weak. I know what that means. I got him to the vet this morning, and after some tests I was informed that he has cancer in his lungs, and only a few days to live. I was prepared to have him euthanized and cremated right then and there, but my husband called to forestall me; he wanted to say goodbye. So we're taking him in on Wednesday instead, and in the meantime we have tomorrow--his final day.

On top of that, next week has this whole family stressed out. Well, except my son. My husband has a trial that starts on Tuesday. I start work on Wednesday. My toddler starts preschool on Monday. It's going to be crazy.

My husband actually thought that I was overreacting about Vince because I was stressed out about my job. This means his was singularly unprepared for the news of his serious illness, although I knew as soon as I saw him on Sunday that he was probably too sick to survive for long. Now my husband is sleeping; he had a sore throat because he was so upset about the bird, and then a headache. My son said, "Mommy, you sad?" when my husband told him we were sad about the bird. He amused us with his attempts to say "Abracadabra" tonight and "Calgon, take me away" (he said something like "cacka, you take me away?")

Today we went to a couple of kid-friendly New Year's parties and also visited our friends who just had a baby. It was a nice balm to our day, seeing this beautiful little new face.

I don't have any resolutions for the new year, except to spend some time with my bird on New Year's Day and get through the next week with some dignity. I would like to write my novel and not get too behind with my volunteer Web stuff, too.

Happy New Year! Here's hoping it brings good things to compensate for the bad.

My Husband Broke the Train Table on Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T21:57:00.000-06:00

Yes, it's true. While transporting my son's new (used) train table from our storage unit tonight, he leaned it on something wrong and it fell over. Now he and a friend are trying desperately to fix it while I sit here wondering if my son is going to have a Christmas present. Sigh.

At first, when you asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he would say, "Just a teddy bear." Within the last week or so, he's started saying he wants a train table. You should hear his confidence--he just knows Santa Claus is going to bring him one. My heart is going to break if they can't get it fixed.

Okay, trying to put things back into perspective now.

We had enough trouble trying to get this thing home. Our SUV, the Honda Element, is in the shop being repaired after I ran it into a pole. Naturally they said it would be out a week, and it's been at least two. So my husband drafted his friend and his friend's big car (this friend is Jewish, and thus doesn't celebrate Christmas) and they're in "Santa's Workshop" now trying to fix it.

I'm on pins and needles waiting.

Gainfully Employed, Or, No Longer A Stay-At-Home Mom

2007-12-19T19:26:00.001-06:00

Yes, it's true. I've joined the workforce again.

As I may have mentioned before, I've been sending resumes now and then out for jobs that fit my experience--mostly to see where I stand on the food chain. To date most of the employers who bothered to reply said something like, "We've filled our paid position, but if you'd like to be one of the five lucky people we'd slated to write for us for free, we'd consider you for a position in the future." Unfortunately, I'm no college student looking for a resume builder. I have a child, and no extra spare time. And having worked in the industry before, I must admit I think it beneath me to "audition" with a piece they'll reject me with, then use on the site without compensating me.

Anyway, I sent in a resume for a posting on craigslist.org last week, not expecting to hear back. But I did, within a couple of days. On Monday, I went out to interview. I sent my references on Tuesday morning, got the official offer Tuesday afternoon, and am now spending the rest of the time stressing out about childcare issues.

Don't get me wrong. This is the perfect position for me. It's a writing and editing job, 10 minutes away from my house, with a nice couple who understand that my child comes first. They've been accommodating enough to let me basically set my own schedule, as long as I commit to 12 hours a week. The job itself I think will be straightforward; not exciting, but enjoyable. It seems like the perfect way to get back into my career path.

Yet this means that at the beginning of the year I am facing two big changes in my life: not being a stay-at-home mom anymore, and putting my child into preschool for the first time in his life. His new school will take him for 12 hours a week not counting transportation time, and is off for all the normal school holidays, which means that I need to figure out how to build some more work time into my schedule.

Aargh. More later, I have too much to do.

So Little Time

2007-12-17T08:06:00.000-06:00

I keep wanting to write, and I keep running out of time.

I discovered a nice little company called Whoda Thought, which is the brainchild of a mom in one of our classes. She makes these amazing diaper bags. I just bought one for traveling. It has a space designed for a smaller carry-around purse, and an actual drawer that pulls out, and it converts to a packpack.

My son just gets cuter every day. I just want to write down or record everything he does and says so I won't forget. But I've already forgotten so much of his mannerisms and words from when he was even younger...

I have a job interview today, for a part-time position. I'd say wish me luck, but I'm a little conflicted about whether or not I actually want to go back to work.

My son is going to preschool in January. I hope he likes it. I can't believe it's coming up so fast.

My babysitter still has no car, which means that I am still stuck with the baby all day all night in stereo. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying it. But having no time off does make you feel run down. I feel like I'm working all the time, even if my job isn't half as stressful as many people's.

My son is having some sleep problems, too. And Christmas is coming up, and my sister, newly pregnant, is moving, and I've been spending so much time dealing with the minutiae surrounding the holidays--presents, Christmas cards, that stupid yearly family newsletter that I hate (to entertain myself this year, I've done ours in the style of Gossip Girl).

And that's all the time I have. I really have to wash all our sheets today.

A Busy Holiday Week

2007-11-30T19:05:00.000-06:00

It started with a day of rest after our trip, which turned out to be a day full of little annoyances. I don't even remember what most of them were, except one involved the fact that my mother-in-law was in town, a fact neither of us apparently knew, and we had to rearrange our schedules to visit her seeing as it was the week after Thanksgiving. Visiting her wasn't the problem, it was actually kind of nice--it was just that she never tells us anything in advance and it can be inconvenient.

Then it got better, but ended on a sour note. I actually have been going to sleep at a decent time, which means I'm not exhausted by naptime, which means I get a lot done when the baby's napping. I got our phone re-hooked up (long story), started searching for preschools, got errands done. At Gymboree on Tuesday, some moms were remarking on how much energy I had (I was running around with the kids). On Wednesday, we toured a preschool and had smoothies. For a lot of the week I really focused on getting holiday stuff done--gifts, cards, photo books. I haven't started the cards yet, but at least I bought some. None of them looked good to me this year.

On Thursday, my son was really getting into his Chinese class, and I was happy to have gotten the baby to his cooking class without unduly disturbing his nap (the class is at 4 p.m.). Then I got into a car accident when I ran my car into a lightpole that for some reason I did not see. In a parking lot. Can you be any more stupid than that? My son was crying, but not because he was hurt--because I kept telling him to be careful with the garage door opener and he dropped it when I hit the pole. My horn no longer works, the front left fender is bashed in so that my wheel scrapes it every time I turn left, and my pride is hurt. But the airbag didn't even go off, so it wasn't too serious.

So I didn't get as much done today as I'd hoped, since I didn't want to drive the car too much. I did have my babysitter here, which was necessary because the Montessori school I was looking at did not want me to bring my kid on the first visit. I really liked the school though, and I think that's where we'll go. I was impressed with the way the kids related to each other, the level of work they were doing, and the way the place looked. It was like a little house full of hardwood floors and tables and light streaming in from floor-to-ceiling windows. I'd move in myself if I could. I always think of daycares as these sterile environments that don't have much charm--this was not like that at all.

So at least I got that done, and I've made a lot of progress on holiday hell, but now I have to deal with the car. And the rest of the holiday stuff, with as little driving as possible.

Saturday Night Thoughts

2007-11-17T21:51:00.000-06:00

Feels like it's been awhile since I sat down to write anything. I still don't have a babysitter, which cuts down on my time to do many things. That's not too bad, I'm actually enjoying going out with the baby every morning--but he's still watching too much television, and we eat out all the time. It's just easier than spending the time to cook for him, only to find he won't eat any of it and having tons of leftovers. My husband thinks he eats too much mac and cheese. When he starts cooking for the baby, then he gets the right to complain. I am trying to diversify his diet, I swear. But getting him to try new things is easier when we are at a restaurant, and then I can try to repeat the success at home.

Well, the New Year's coming up. There's always time for me to change my bad-mom ways.

Meanwhile, I went to a baby shower today. It always shocks me how many new baby things are on the market. I had a child only two and a half years ago and now everything's bigger, better, shinier. It was nice to see my friends, whom I haven't seen much of lately, but it turns out that the mom-to-be is in the hospital this weekend, and so her husband stood in for her. She has been on bedrest for months. Many of the guests went to the hospital to visit her, but I couldn't because I had to be back home so my husband could play poker.

We've succeeded in finding my son a train table, used. He's going to be so excited to get it for Christmas! I have to go pick it up tomorrow. I hope it fits in my car; otherwise, I'll have to make an alternate plan. This is one thing stressing me out at the moment.

And we are going to New York for Thanksgiving. I'm excited, but all this travel is doing me in. Feels like we just got back from the Bahamas. In fact it was one week ago today, and we'll be gone Tuesday again. I'm getting tired just thinking about it all, especially since you have to add the petsitting I'm doing this week.

I guess that's all for now. I probably won't get another chance to write before Thanksgiving.

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay...

2007-11-08T17:33:00.000-06:00

For some reason, "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" seems to be the theme of this vacation I'm having. I have heard it at least three times since we arrived. And it's a song about doing nothing, and we seem to be just a little too comfortable here at the Atlantis enclave in the Bahamas. Don't get me wrong--I love this place--but I could use a little more adventure in my life.

My biggest complaint about the trip is that I have had very little time to myself, except for naptimes, and my son's sleep schedule is a bit messed up so I've been using naptimes to catch up on sleep too. And it's not like I can go anywhere while he's napping, though the ocean is 20 feet away from my door, if that, and I can walk to world-class shopping and cool waterslides. I've done one--count 'em, one--waterslide since I've been here. I've only gone through the marine habitat, the Dig, once in its entirety because my son suddenly decided it was too scary.

In fact, he's decided that a lot of things are scary--he doesn't care much for being in the water, and it took a while to convince him that the littlest waterslides are fun, even though he's done them all before. Ah well, what can I say? He's only two. His favorite thing is actually the game room. He loves to play air hockey. And he's watched "Go, Diego, Go" so many times...

I have managed to get in a massage, along with a lime/ginger body scrub, and this year they have three manta rays, which is awesome except I'd like to have more time to watch them. We also did the dolphin cay interaction, and my son wasn't scared of the dolphin at all. His name was Wee Tee, and he was one of the Katrina dolphins. We spent some time at the beach, too. My son loves to play in the sand.

We only today figured out how to get an Internet connection in our suite--the capability was there the whole time, but I think we missed getting updated materials at check-in or something, because we just didn't know about it. I keep thinking we had this same problem last year, so I better remember for next time.

I am having a very pleasant time, though. Now that we've gotten my son to sleep in the second bedroom, I actually had a chance to take a bath or two in the big jacuzzi tub after he's gone to bed. Unfortunately it's raining right now. I did bring an umbrella, but I don't much fancy the idea of shopping in the rain. But I really did want to do some shopping, and now we only have one full day left.

Anyway, that's all. I probably won't check in again until I'm home.

A Little Discouraged

2007-10-30T16:40:00.000-05:00

I'm having one of those weeks. My son is sick for the third week running--it was the stomach flu, and then a fever, and now the common cold. This means we've been missing things right and left. I was really looking forward to the playgroup Halloween party today, which is going on right now. But I didn't think it right to expose my germy infected son to all those little kids and their even littler siblings. And what about Halloween tomorrow? Do we have to miss that, too?

Meanwhile, our babysitter is having car trouble for the second week running, which means I'm trying to do all my freelance work, run the household, make the phone calls (including cancelling out on all our social commitments this week), take care of my sick boy and prepare for our upcoming Bahamas trip without any extra help. Needless to say, the TV's been on a lot lately.

This week they named a tropical storm/soon-to-be-hurricane after my son. Go figure.

I'm sort of halfheartedly applying for jobs, and have been doing so for months. I keep getting second looks, or second chances, but I never quite make it to the final round. My favorite is the "We don't want to hire you, but we're happy to have you write for us for free. And the next time we have a paid position, we swear we'll look at you IF you do this" response. I've had two, maybe three of those kinds of offers to date. Now if that isn't discouraging, I don't know what is. I can't take them even if I wanted to; I've got too much on my plate already (see above).

If I could write like this, though, maybe I could get a job and my blog would be more interesting.

On top of all that, my hormones are completely out of whack and I'm afraid of getting sick again. I'm popping Coldeez pills just in case. Looking forward to being at Atlantis again.

I Need A Parenting Manual...

2007-10-25T16:09:00.000-05:00

I've told my son to play on his own because I'm furious with him and myself and I don't want to take it out on him. He must sense this, because he's being quiet and good and staying away from me. He does come in whimpering every few minutes, so I'm starting to relent.

We took a nap this afternoon and I woke up to get him ready for our class--I call it a cooking class because they prepare food and stuff. He refused to get up. He cried like crazy when I tried to put his overalls on, wouldn't let me change his diaper and wanted me to lie down beside him again. He even claimed he was sick and that his tummy hurt. So I thought, since he's rarely tired and cranky like that after a nap, that maybe he really was sick...again. And I lay down with him. The class starts at 4 p.m. At 3:53 he jumps out of bed and wants to watch TV, and he's absolutely fine.

Did I mention this is the one class we attend where I can't get my money back? It's 10 weeks long, we've only attended one session; we've missed two classes and we're missing another one in November. I'd withdraw, except the class only survives because I signed up at the last minute. Otherwise they were going to cancel it before it started. I feel like an idiot. Besides, they probably still won't give me my money back.

I must admit that at this moment I can't help but be amused at how my son won't talk right now--he will only whisper, like that will stop me from being mad. Ah, kids. What can you do?

Recovery Day

2007-10-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

I finally got the stomach flu Thursday night, but a much milder version than anyone else's. I only threw up once, although my stomach has been upset for days. I did manage to lose another three pounds...

I'm spending the afternoon by myself, lazing around without the husband or the baby. It feels nice. I'm basically sitting in bed watching the soccer game--both Blanco (I'm not even going to try to spell his first name) and Beckham are playing, and my family is at the game. I should be there too. I opted out to make sure I was over this stomach flu, and I regretted it almost as soon as my husband left. Especially since I couldn't figure out what TV channel was showing the game and was afraid I wouldn't be able to watch it at all. And especially since I feel absolutely fine now. I even managed to eat something and it hasn't come out of me yet.

I believe that if the Chicago Fire tie or win this game they're in the playoffs, but unfortunately Major League Soccer wants Beckham/L.A. Galaxy in the playoffs more than they want us, which means I'm a bit nervous about calls, especially near the box.

I took a nice hot bath, talked to a friend on the phone, went to the Land's End Outlet to exchange a pair of boots, and may even have time for a quick nap after the game. It's a beautiful but windy day. I just had to close the sliding door in our bedroom because the wind (I guess) pushed the screen out and some dead leaves and bugs blew in. So the A/C is on again and I will have to settle for recycled instead of fresh air for a while.

Ooh, Blanco's getting a penalty kick...and he shoots it straight over the crossbar! Aargh.

Okay, no more writing. I need to focus on the game. It's not like I have anything interesting to say anyway, I was just enjoying my free time for a change.

It does occur to me now that if I were at the game, I wouldn't be paying any attention because I'd be too busy making sure the baby was okay--diaper not messy, food situation okay, sunblock on, etc. When he's there I always get so distracted that I barely know what's going on, and later I can maybe tell you who won and that's all. Now by myself, I'm probably getting more out of it than I would if I were actually there.

The Stomach Flu

2007-10-18T10:19:00.001-05:00

This has been an interesting week, thanks to this rather vicious virus that took out my husband on Monday and my son yesterday. On Tuesday my husband stayed home from work, and on Wednesday I spent the day cleaning vomit and doing laundry and giving baths after my son developed the same thing. Both of them had several hours of throwing up everything in their stomachs, then gagging up nothing for a while. Yesterday, my son threw up at a restaurant and then didn't nap until 4 p.m. After waking up once to throw up again, he was okay and went to bed at the normal time.

So far I haven't caught anything, but as a precaution I'm trying not to eat anything weird. Don't want to activate the gag reflex, and would prefer if all my food comes back up, that it's at least less disgusting than it could be. I can't imagine after all this I'm going to avoid the bug.

We missed seeing Jim Morrissey in concert last night because of this. My husband could have gone, but he was worried and wanted to see the baby. Tonight is the New Pornographers show, and probably my husband will go without me. Tomorrow is the Raveonettes show, and we have our babysitter coming for that (an unusually packed week; we had planned to skip tonight's show, and lucked into the Morrissey tickets). I am a little worried about that one, especially since our babysitter will bring her little son, but by then hopefully all this will be an unpleasant memory. We're skipping both of my son's classes today, which vexes me greatly as I still have to pay for them. At least one of them, anyway.

My son is watching a lot of TV, since he's sick. We've been through Thomas, Elmo, Diego and the Wiggles. And he told me this morning that he loves sorbet, which seems an acceptable food for being sick, so that's what he's having today.

A Pleasant Fall Weekend, Followed By...

2007-10-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

We had a nice weekend, which we spent with our friends in Lake in the Hills, Illinois. Also part of the group was a family of five from Minnesota, longtime friends of both families. We went out to a pumpkin patch in Hampshire, which I'd never heard of before. My son loved the pumpkin-eating dinosaur. He keeps talking about how the dinosaur ate five pumpkins. I think he actually only saw the dinosaur ate two, but it's cute. There was a pig with piglets, baby bunnies, llamas you could feed, a "real pirate ship," as my son called it, a hayride to the pumpkin patch--a lot going on.

After that, the womenfolk actually left all the guys with the kids for a few hours, while we went shopping and had some tea. That was nice. It seems like when the three of us get together we really start to discuss personal things. I'm not sure how that happens. But I got some perspective on other people's marriages, which gave relieved me of some worries about mine. We stayed the night with our friends out there.

Anyway, it turns out that the three girls from Minnesota were recovering from the stomach flu. You'd think they wouldn't be contagious by now, but unfortunately this was not the case. My son threw up on the way home from Lake in the Hills and seemed quiet till naptime Sunday; our friends' daughter has it. My husband is currently throwing up constantly in the bathroom and has been all night. So of course my evening consisted of taking care of the baby and now taking care of the husband (which involved a run to the store after the baby was put to bed). Poor guy, he has nothing left to throw up. I've been listening to him gagging since he and my son got home from a trip to the park. Meanwhile, I'm worried about my son getting something more serious too.

I can tell, this is going to be a fun week.

The Velocity of Life

2007-10-12T22:33:00.000-05:00

Time just keeps moving along so quickly, it seems. I can't believe it's already mid-October. Since I stay at home with my son I often have to think really hard to figure out what the actual date is, and lately I've been at least three days behind on average.

The only thing I know right now is that things are a-changin'. We've decided my son will enter preschool in January, which will mean that I must start job-hunting in earnest, which will mean my stay-at-home mom gig is almost at an end. It's a bit frightening. Who's going to hire me now? I've been off full-time work hours for five years now. How am I going to get used to that? My son's classes (he's taking three now) will all end in December, will we continue any of them? Then there's the fact that we'll be moving next year. I don't even want to think about how next year at this time, everything will be different. My home, my work, my son...

Anyway, I find that I have nothing more to write. Today we went to see Playhouse Disney Live. Tomorrow, we're going to a pumpkin patch/family slumber party with our friends in Lake in the Hills. With any luck, some other friends from Minnesota will join us for awhile.

Taking A Breath...

2007-10-01T22:30:00.000-05:00

Seems like September has slipped away like water through a raincloud. My husband was gone for the weekend, so I overcompensated and took the baby out constantly. On Friday we were at the botanic garden looking at the model trains, then in the evening we made a trip to Costco. On Saturday we went to the local farmer's market at Wagner Farm, then stuck around to look at the animals and exhibits. In the evening we went back for a cider/s'mores/bonfire event they were having. My son doesn't quite get s'mores yet--he finds it hard to believe that marshmallows are food. But he liked the stick you put the marshmallow on...On Sunday we went to the zoo. The weather was so nice all the time, and for all I know it might be the last really nice weekend, so I felt like we had to be out and about.

I'm feeling a bit run down this week, though. I couldn't find anything to read--would start something and just drop it. I started Le Morte d'Arthur tonight, we'll see how that goes. I feel like there's a lot going on all the time now, and at any given moment I've forgotten two things that need doing. I just bought myself a Kathy van Zeeland purse on eBay, that was quite exciting, and discovered that last year's winter coats will still fit my son, so I don't have to buy him any new outerwear just yet. These are the small successes in my life.

Fall has inspired me to cook--last week I made a pound of macaroni and cheese from scratch that my son wouldn't eat. Tonight I did a dutch apple pie, not quite from scratch. I was shamed into it, I must admit, by Gymboree. In class the kids have been pretending to make cookies the last few weeks, and I realized my son had no idea what an electric mixer looked like, let alone a rolling pin.

I took my son out for Chinese today, because he asked for fried rice and chicken and orange juice. We actually sat down in the restaurant and he was very good. He ate all by himself, although he didn't eat that much. He had some egg drop soup, green onion pancakes, chicken fried rice and juice. We do eat out quite a bit with him, but lately it's always been to very child-friendly fast places. Last week we branched out and took him to TGIFridays.

That's all that's going on in my boring life today.

Las Vegas, Baby

2007-09-21T08:21:00.001-05:00

Today I am off to meet my husband in Las Vegas. He's been there since Wednesday--last night be kept sending me text messages from the "Resident Evil: Extinction" premiere. He'd say, "Sly Stone just walked by" and stuff like that. Of course, he'd send these voluminous messages, all about how Ashanti and Nelly were there together and how he got tickets to the VIP after-party, and because he has an iPhone that's no problem. I was sending him responses like, "Gr8 r u having fun..." I hate text messaging on my little phone. It makes me feel like an idiot, trying any way I can to reduce the amount of words I'm putting down on the screen. Otherwise it takes me 20 minutes to write a single message and I go mad in the meantime as my cell phone tries to change every word I write to something different.

But that's beside the point. I have lots to do this morning but I am looking forward to a couple of days alone with my husband. He and I are celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary while we're out there by having a nice dinner and taking in the Cirque du Soleil's "Love" show. I am even looking forward to my time reading on the airplane, if you can believe that. I kinda like the feeling you get on planes, of being in limbo, neither here nor there.

Anyway, I better go. I have a whole list of things to plow through this morning, and I need to get started.

In Need of Direction, and Sleep Issues

2007-09-11T19:38:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's because I'm sick, but I'm feeling pretty useless lately. What I do with my spare time: play with a virtual pet that's designed for pre-teens, play with Thomas the Tank Engine, and color. I have ambition, just not sure how to utilize it. My husband says I need a new hobby. The problem is, I can't do any of my old hobbies with my son around. Our house isn't big enough for me to keep paints or cross-stitch projects or scrapbooking materials around where he can't get at them. He goes to bed at 8:30 now, and my desire to do anything after that time in the evening is quite low. I usually stay up till almost midnight doing nothing, just so I have some time to myself.

This cold is weird. There was one afternoon where I let my son watch two hours of TV because I just could not get out of bed. This morning I was so spaced out that I went to the grocery store, bought fruits, snacks and drinks and nothing else I needed. I didn't buy any plastic wrap, cat food, waffles, frozen dinners or pasta. I even went down the aisles looking for the pasta and then forgot about it while I was searching for it. And I didn't realize any of this till I was home again. Can you beat that?

My little boy is awfully cute right now. He keeps asking to watch "one Boo's Coos" when he wants "Blue's Clues" and when he's busy he says "just one sec." He speaks in complete sentences, if you don't mind the lack of connectors and words not always in the right order--"Take off it!" for example. He likes "Go, Diego, Go"--which is teaching him to say things like "leatherback sea turtle" and "coyote." When he wants to convince you he should watch more TV, he says, "One more Elmo," and if he wants to keep doing something and you want him to stop, he says,"widdle bit."

The other day I killed a spider on the stairs and he had a great time telling anyone who would ask all about it. "Spider on de wall," and "spider fell down on de stairs," and then he'd simulate the moment when I finally got the spider: "Boom-a!" What a silly baby.

Ever since those thunderstorms we had a few weeks ago, he seems to be going through a phase. For one thing, he keeps waking up in the middle of the night and coming to us to sleep, which is worrisome although finally his waking up seems to be tending later and later into the morning (I hope). He also won't sleep in his own bed. He prefers the couch in the office, or, barring that, he'll sleep on the floor in his room. My husband wanted me to consult our doctor, but I finally consulted my oracle this evening (babycenter.com) and am feeling reassured. As long as he's getting enough sleep I guess it's okay. As one mom said, if this is the strangest thing your child ever does it's all good.

Among his other new habits since the thunderstorms: he likes to sleep with the light on and the door a "open widdle bit." Before, he wanted it dark and had to have the door closed. He has to have the shades down completely so that no little bit of light from the outside gets in, although this may have started before then.

When the biggest storm happened, I made a point of watching it with him--using it as an opportunity to teach him about the rain and wind and electricity (some power cables lie not far from us and we can see them from our windows). I tried to do so in a calm way, so he wouldn't be afraid of them. He was convinced the animals wouldn't get all wet because they were "in the zoo," but he thought his daddy was getting wet. It was cute. He didn't seem afraid at the time. I hate to think that he is now.

Happy 7th Anniversary to Me...

2007-09-09T17:07:00.000-05:00

Seven years ago today, my husband and I got married. Hard to believe how the time has flown by. We are not really celebrating today, since we'll be together...alone, in Las Vegas two weeks from now for a short weekend trip (short for me, anyway).

This past week, we made a rather momentous decision and decided not to have other kids. This means our little boy won't have a brother or sister, which will be a challenge in itself. But I'm satisfied we're doing this for the right reasons, at least for us. And while it may still be tempting when I look at other people's little babies, I must also remember that we can now travel as much as we want and I can work on my own projects without putting everything off for another couple of years.

For about 12 hours last week I really thought I might be pregnant, and my reaction to this event were more negative than I anticipated. When the scare was over, my husband and I both realized neither of us wanted to go through pregnancy/labor/childbirth and all that stuff again, and if we had another child it would be through adoption. Let's face it, my health insurance policy had a hand in our choice too.

(Just so everyone knows, my Blue Cross/Blue Shield policy will NOT pay for a C-section. People keep asking me, "Isn't that illegal?" I am, after all, a woman of child-bearing age with a previous C-section, and depriving me of that particular medical procedure makes pregnancy more dangerous for me. I'm less likely to opt for a C-section if I know it's going to cost me an extra $15,000.)

Anyway, the considerations are numerous and complex and I won't go through them all except to say I'm fine with this decision and mindful of the problems involved in raising an only child. I hope that means he'll be a normal, happy boy in a loving household that can provide him many opportunities as well as the discipline he needs.

Labor Day Weekend

2007-09-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

We've had a pretty low-key weekend, which suits me just fine because Friday was pretty stressful. It was one of those days, you know? The child would not listen, kept inadvertently kicking me in the head or otherwise giving me bruises, napped for only an hour and would not go to sleep at bedtime. In fact, after I accidentally woke him up (lately he's decided he likes sleeping on our upstairs couch, and I was hoping to get him into his bed instead) he just kept crying and yelling out "Mommy, where are you?" for like an hour while I attempted to ignore him and make him go to sleep on his own. He's had problems sleeping through the night ever since those thunderstorms two weeks ago. I finally got him to bed at 10:30.

Anyway, I've been working on a pet-sitting job all week, so that's cut into time I normally spend with my son. He comes with me to see the cat in the morning, then I leave him with my husband in the evening whenever possible. So I did that mostly Saturday, and on Sunday I actually had some time off. My husband took the baby to the Botanic Garden, and I had tea with a friend all morning in a gazebo at my client's house (she's my client's friend, too, so it's approved). Then I went downtown to get a haircut. Then we all went over to our little downtown-like area, the Glen, for dinner, after stopping at Target to buy those childproofing doorknob covers. The idea is to stop babies from opening doors (in this case, stopping my son from getting out of his bedroom at night), but the doorknob covers, as I suspected, are way too tight to be useful. This is why I didn't buy them previously. I'm going to have to buy the ones from One Step Ahead instead.

Anyway, the other thing that's happening is that we're all getting sick. My son threw up all his Jamba Juice yesterday, and my husband had a sore throat, and I'm stuffed up. My body's acting weird too, but more on that later. Could just be because I'm losing some weight.

Feeling Unfulfilled/Inadequate

2007-08-27T15:19:00.001-05:00

Coming off a weekend where I truly overdid it, I'm feeling a bit down. A friend came from out of town on Friday, and she and I took the baby to dinner at a place with an hour-long wait and didn't get seated until after my son's bedtime. Then the next day we went to a soccer game. Traffic was terrible, my husband was out of town and on top of that we had to stay a bit late to get our jersey signed. I'm not saying it wasn't all a lot of fun. I'm just saying I should have refrained, on just one of those nights. Then on Sunday I did my normal volunteer gig during the day and so I didn't get to recover. On Saturday I also started a very time-consuming cat-sitting job as well that goes through this week and part of next.

I had trouble sleeping last night and started looking up old friends and acquaintances, to find out what they were doing. Now I'm wishing I could have done something more interesting with my life. Not that I would change what I have, but...

For example, look at this: It's the Wikipedia entry for Lauren Gonzalez, a woman I worked with back in the mid-90s. I knew her first husband, Joe Fielder, too. I can't tell you how often I had to defend her and Joe's choice to have an informal wedding ceremony with no one on hand but themselves (I believe they later made it legal). My co-workers and I used to debate the topic over lunchtime, and I was the only one arguing that just because it isn't legal, that doesn't mean it isn't emotionally binding (I still think it's silly that my co-workers cared so much about the whole thing). Lauren introduced me to Mr. Vampire. I never knew she got semi-famous. I hardly would have recognized her in the picture.

One of my old friends is now the gaming strategic planner for Intel (I looked him up because his name is so unusual I knew any google.com search would have to turn him up). Another is an online editor for The Hill, a Washington, D.C. publication. She reports on all the big political doings. Look up Michelle Caruso-Cabrera on google.com, and you'll get a CNBC anchor who used to work on the college newspaper as my editor. At least, I think that's her.

What do I have to show for my life? Well, my Tamagotchi just had a baby. I used to write stuff for a living. That's about all I can boast.

I would like it if my son would grow up and think I'm a person worth admiring. At the moment, that doesn't seem to be a possibility.

I suppose I always need something to provide angst. Otherwise, my life might be way too satisfying and happy.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

2007-08-16T14:18:00.001-05:00

A few days after we got back, seems like everything stopped working. Our phones wouldn't receive calls, the iPhone stopped charging properly, the fridge wouldn't properly make ice and then we had a power outage. I couldn't cook during that time, and of course it happened around 5 p.m. Then, when we got back from dinner we found out our Internet connection wasn't working even though everything had come back on just before we left. So we're just trying to fix things right now. The power outage was a good opportunity to teach my son about electricity and power, though.

He's getting to know so much. I'm constantly amazed at the connections he makes and the things he remembers. And I love it when he asks for a "big hug." At night he says "Love you daddy." The other day my husband was asking him what we would see at Atlantis when we go in November. He was expecting him to say "big bucket" because of the pictures of the tipping bucket. Instead he said "stingray" and "mer-mer" (fish). I showed him pictures of our trip and he knew "ferris wheel" and "bumper car" and "beach," of course, without my prompting him. He even knew "log ride," the ride at Six Flags that scared him.

Meanwhile, we've made plans for another trip without him(!). We're going to Las Vegas for a weekend--I'll be gone for the better part of three days. We've decided to celebrate our anniversary out there by going to see the Beatles Love show.

We're busy this weekend--tonight, haircut and surprise birthday party for a friend. Tomorrow, Thomas the train. Saturday, Wiggles concert. Sunday, husband's birthday.

I better go. I ought to nap while I can, and I'm sure my son will be awake in half an hour.

Vacation Over

2007-08-14T15:54:00.000-05:00

If I were still being paid for this I'd probably write about that toy recall, or the new spate of multicultural dolls, or the news about how Baby Einstein videos don't work (not that they mentioned them by name, but we all knew who they were talking about, and personally I was never looking for vocabulary help from them, just hoping to help my kid learn about color and rhythm and melody from classical pieces).

But I'm not getting paid anymore, so I have other priorities in my life than my blog. We've been back from Santa Monica for about two days now. We had a wonderful trip, complete with a wedding on the roof of Shutters On The Beach and a beach party the day after. My son danced on the dance floor and was much admired for his cuteness. For example, he kept walking over to, then waving at my mother at the rehearsal dinner while yelling "Hi Gramma!" My husband got to play football on the beach with my cousins. My son played in the ocean for the first time. There was a rousing late-night round of our family's favorite game, Mafia (where one cousin got drunk and everyone else went to look for him, and somehow all the parents found out). We did the family circle dance at the reception (don't ask, it's one of those weird unofficial cousin traditions). We also celebrated birthdays--my mother's, my husband's, my sister's.

We have a particularly close-knit family. I would not hesitate to help or ask for help from any of aunts, uncles or cousins no matter where they are, even if I hadn't heard from them in years. I think they're all wonderful in different ways.

Anyway, we're back and there's plenty to do here. We have a big weekend coming up because of my husband's birthday and the Wiggles concert. I still have to figure out what to get him...he has everything. I better go and start getting things done.

Greetings from Santa Monica

2007-08-08T00:28:00.000-05:00

I am back in California for the second time this year. This time, I'm sitting in a hotel room about a 10-minute walk from Santa Monica pier and the beach and the Pacific Ocean. It's very pleasant here, and quite sunny too. I also happen to be a short walk from the 3rd Street Promenade and Santa Monica Place. I've already done a little shopping at both places.

This is our first full day here but we're already on Cali time. My son just dropped off to sleep and it's 10 p.m. PT, which makes it midnight at home. The flight yesterday delayed his nap, and today's trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain didn't help. My husband took him onto the log ride, which has a rather intimidating drop (I probably wouldn't do it myself, wimp that I am). He was totally clingy and wanted to go home after that. I was worried the whole time I was waiting for them to finish the ride. But we took him to a couple of shows and three rides that were more his speed and he was fine after that. I think part of the problem was that immediately after, we ate lunch at a place with animatronic dead animals and that freaked him out even more. But at least he ate well there.

We've gone to the beach and swimming already--yesterday, after we settled in. My son loved the pier and all the rides and games on the boardwalk. We'll probably go into the ocean tomorrow (two of his new words, of course, are beach and ocean--tonight he said he wanted to go there). Tonight we took it easy. We went to a block party where they had a police dog and a fire truck and a helicopter, and had food at Santa Monica Place. I also took him to the Promenade this morning to find the Barnes & Noble, but they don't have a train table there.

Sorry, I know I'm jumping all over the place. It's probably because I'm tired and not thinking straight. I've got plenty more to relate, especially since it seemed like our vacation began before the weekend because of some friends coming into town and Lollapalooza, but I'll log off now and try to create a more coherent entry later.

This Month Will Be Crazy...

2007-07-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

...starting now.

I have a ton of stuff to do before we leave for vacation in a week, which includes laundry, packing, shopping, Lollapalooza, getting an estimate on counter repair, having the wall fixed from where our cleaning lady dropped our XBox 360 into it last week, having a friend stay over, baseball game, American English concert, playdate with a friend an hour's drive away from here, arranging for medication refills, planning for three birthdays and making two donations in the name of deceased neighbors. This is in addition to my usual weekly chores.

When I return from vacation, which will be busy because it involves a wedding, 13 cousins, my family and Los Angeles, I have to contend with several of the actual birthdays, a Wiggles concert, pet-sitting jobs and trying to get our house ready to show. This month is all booked up. August always seems like that. This past weekend was crazy, too--my husband was gone, so I took the baby a bunch of places to keep us busy, including a local art fair and the circus. We got to ride an elephant. When my son tries to say "elephant," it sounds like "evidence."

I don't have any idea what to get my husband for his birthday. He's the man who has everything. He even got himself an iPhone a week or so ago. It's really, really cool. In retaliation, I got myself a Tamagotchi V4.5. It doesn't really compare, though. Also I just now figured out most of the Tamagotchi V4 games, and now I have to learn all the new ones.

I know, I'm so patently uncool and immature. I was wishing today that I was more creative. Even layering clothing in unconventional ways seems beyond me lately. These days I feel like everything I do is unsophisticated and conventional--my life, the foods I feed my kids, the books I read. Maybe that's why every time I go out these days I wear concert t-shirts instead of real clothes. Or maybe that's because I'm too lazy to do the laundry and none of my regular clothes are clean.

Things Are Always Changin'

2007-07-26T19:19:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking the other day that if I were to have another baby now, there are all these things I would have to change because I just didn't know about them before. Or I would have to studiously ignore what I've learned. For example, the Chicago Tribune's series on car seats would worry me, if I were that kind of person. And the news about how bad hard plastic baby bottles are...I couldn't use the same kind of bottles, despite their help in controlling my son's spitting up...not to mention, did you know that very young babies are not supposed to be using premoistened wipes? I found that in an msnbc.com article that should have been called Five Really Random Tips for Expectant Parents.

Meanwhile, in our life, my son's started singing. He made up this song the other day that goes, "Apple juice, hmm, hmm, hmm." Today he started singing "Happy birthday to you!" And he calls our babysitter by name (well, close enough anyway). He just says so many things now, it's pretty amazing. I felt sad, though, because I just found out from a newspaper clipping I'd saved that the Thomas the Tank Engine show was here last week and I didn't know about it! He would have loved it.

My husband took him to the park last night where they buried a ball in the sand and were going to come back and redig it up today...only someone had apparently stolen it in the meantime. What is it with people? It was a really nice ball, a child-size soccer ball with the Chicago Storm logo. I told my husband yesterday not to let him do that, because I didn't want him to think he could just leave his stuff anywhere and have it back later.

Other than that, nothing going on here. I missed the last two "Doctor Who" episodes because our TiVo erased them before I remembered they were on there, but I did finally manage to see the "Transformers" movie. I am reading a children's fantasy book about Disney's Magic Kingdom and looking forward to a quiet weekend because my husband's going to be away helping his mom move.

A Weekend Away

2007-07-23T16:41:00.000-05:00

Last week I spent three days away from my son for the first time ever. It was a bit hard at times, but I did it. The first day I couldn't reach the sitter because my husband had her number on his phone but I didn't, and his phone lost power very quickly. She wasn't picking up the home phone. So I had paranoid delusions about car accidents and such until the following morning, when we finally reached her. And then I was all sad because my boy would get on the phone and not want to stop talking to us because he wanted to hear our voices. When I tried to say goodbye, he would start crying and refuse to relinquish the phone. I'm getting all verklempt right now just thinking about it...

But I did manage to have a good time overall, and I couldn't help but be relieved at not having to chase the baby around all the time. I actually got to have adult conversations. Basically, we were in Denver Thursday night for the MLS All-Star game--I was THIS far from David Beckham--and then our group had a personal invitation from billionaire Philip Anschutz (the guy who owns a bunch of MLS teams and the L.A. Lakers) to stay out at his Colorado ranch for a few days. It is basically the man's personal country club--a combination farm, ranch, hunting ground filled with beautiful Western art and decor. The landscape is lovingly manicured and beautifully rugged. His staff assisted our recreational activities and kept us well-fed--that local beef is delicious. I played golf for the first time and took a tour of the ranch, which is 50,000 acres--9 miles by 15 miles. I also obtained 30 mosquito bites while everyone else stayed basically bite-free.

I've included some pictures of the place we stayed, but I've got to run now because my husband's hungry.

Sad and Annoyed

2007-07-13T10:07:00.000-05:00

Why I'm sad: we have this Thomas the Tank Engine book, where you open a bunch of flaps to discover hidden things. I'd gotten into the habit of opening one flap for my son every time we read the book, so that each time we read it we'd see something new. Last night the babysitter got hold of the book and she opened all the flaps for him, so there are no surprises left.

Also we went to a Chicago Fire game last night and they lost 4-0, and I just started a new diet so I couldn't even drown my sorrows in ice cream nachos (think soft serve, chocolate and vanilla, on top of cinnamon sugar tortilla chips with chocolate sauce dripping all over and a cherry on top). At least, I think that was the final score, although it was 3-0 when we left. We spent the whole ride back dissecting the team and its future prospects. Depressing.

Why I'm annoyed: because of this article. How come no matter what you do for your kid it's wrong? And if it isn't wrong now, it will be later. My son had Avent bottles and the Playtex ones because they were the only ones that helped control his spitting up all the time. Now he may be scarred for life, according to these people. And those of us who think maybe everyone's being a little too anxious about this sort of thing get shot down for not caring enough. Whatever.

Didja hear about this one? If I'd have been that mom, I would have been furious too. It's hard enough trying to deal with a small child in an airport and an airplane when everything goes right. Is it just me or are flight companies becoming more hardened and less receptive in terms of customer service? Both my mom and my sis in the same week experienced overnight delays for which they received no compensation or apologies of any kind. My mom was told to arrive four hours prior to a flight the following day so that she'd have a chance at a seat on the plane. My sister missed my cousin's wedding.

On the plus side, it's a beautiful day and we are getting our windows fixed.

Mommyhood Is Making Me Dumber

2007-07-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

A fellow Gymboree mom and I had lunch at the mall with our kids today, and we were agreeing that, in fact, you do lose brain cells when you have a child. Actually, you lose them during pregnancy and never get them back.

Exhibit A: I made an appointment to get two-year-old photos of my son last week on July 4th. If that wasn't idiotic enough, I then completely forgot about the appointment and took him to Independence Day festivities. I rescheduled the appointment for Wednesday this week, completely forgetting that the babysitter is coming soon after. Now I will have to rush the photo sitting to get back here in time.

Exhibit B: I spaced an appointment on Saturday for window people to come and check out/fix our windows. They called and knocked, apparently, and I was home, but didn't hear them.

Exhibit C: Today I was supposed to have dinner with a friend. She called half an hour ago wondering where I was.

Exhibit D: I started playing with a Tamagotchi last week. Unfortunately I'm always worried that it will die because I keep forgetting to take it with me when I go places. Also I've been able to figure out how to play exactly 1/4 of the minigames. We're talking minigames at the level of...make your tamagotchi jump rope! Make your tamagotchi raise a flag! Make your tamagotchi dance! Choose the one present that doesn't have poop inside!

Exhibit E: A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog entry about the Taste of Chicago, and I used the word reconnoiter when I meant rendezvous. I was mortified a week later to discover the error. I never write something I'm not sure of without checking with a dictionary. And as far as I can tell, I have not made a mistake like that in many, many years.

I don't know what's wrong with me these days.

Things Are Getting Interesting

2007-07-06T16:53:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling a little down, because my weekend didn't go as planned and I was thinking how even fun things were not so fun anymore when I have to spend all my time chasing the baby around. Even the things we do without him, when we have a babysitter, feel lame sometimes. Though they're things I want to do, it's still seems like a compromise because they're also things my husband wants to do. Like we might go see a movie that's #1 his list of priorities for our free time, but it's only #3 on my list, and I'd rather go to dinner at a place we've never tried. So it's not like I don't enjoy myself, it's just that I'm still not doing what I'd do if I were alone. If that makes any sense. I mean, this is part of being a couple, right, and it never bothered me before. So I realize I'm not being completely rational. #3 on my list is still pretty good.

But last night we went to a nostalgia concert for the band Asia at the House of Blues. Wow, that was fun. I wasn't all that excited about it initially, but the fans are hilarious and talkative and the band really was made up of amazing musicians. Who knew? I mean that drummer, Carl Palmer, is superhuman. I got autographs, too. I loved Asia's Alpha album so much when I was younger. So I really had a good time for a change. That felt nice.

And, also, I found that lost gift card and scheduled a morning of pampering for myself next week--a massage, followed by a foot massage and a salt scrub. Ahh, I can't wait.

Then, out of the blue today my husband asks me to go to Denver with him. He's been planning to go for 48 hours as part of a charity function, and it's an expensive proposition so I wasn't invited to come along. But all of a sudden there are three empty plane seats and an option for me to go. Part of me is like, yes, yes, I so need a rest from the baby, and the other part of me is like, 48 hours? How can I possibly be separated from him for that long? Won't he be so sad?

This week I did enjoy watching my kid experiencing fireworks for the first time (we stood by the car at an obstructed view) and getting to see the 4th of July parade and all. He's such a good kid. This week he said "opposite" and "butterfly," although maybe that last one was a fluke. Right now he's gone swimming with his dad.

Weekend in Pittsburgh

2007-07-02T15:34:00.001-05:00

What an exhausting time I had in Pittsburgh! My sister got stuck in Switzerland and my husband wasn't there, so only my mother was around to help me with the baby and she freely admitted she couldn't handle him. He was exhausted much of the time, and therefore completely hyper.

Friday: arrival and rehearsal dinner. After only about eight hours of sleep because he kept getting out of bed, we were on a plane to Pittsburgh with two of my younger cousins (thank goodness for them!). Because we didn't know when anyone was coming in or where anyone was, they ended up hanging out with us for several hours and the baby didn't get a nap until 3:30 p.m. He slept for an hour and a half. We went to the rehearsal dinner--five miles away. It took us 45 minutes to get there and find street parking. The baby couldn't sit still, and there was very little he would eat. If not for the GPS, I might still be lost there. Who knew Pittsburgh had so many tunnels, bridges, mountains and bizarre u-turns?

Saturday: we spent the morning at a little mall. It had a small rideable train, which was fun (he kept waving and saying "hi people" and "bye people" and we met the only other cousin of mine who also had kids. The candy store gave my son a free lollipop, which made me think maybe he'd be able to sit through the wedding ceremony if he had candy...he had a good nap, and we were at the church on time. Unfortunately my mom took away the lollipop during a lull right after the bride and groom were announced, but he only screamed for a minute. He got a pretty significant cut while running outside the church (which closed so quickly after the ceremony I couldn't get any help there), and my extended family panicked. But I stayed calm and we were practically the last to leave. The reception was at a really beautiful restaurant built into a mountainside, with a gorgeous view. Because he was less tired, I was able to keep him occupied with maracas I'd bought that morning and the disposable camera on the table. He fell off the booster seat once, which was very disturbing, but he actually ate some salad in addition to the fries and chicken fingers that made up the kids' meal. He started saying "home" around 9 p.m. Who could resist that, especially since it was the first time he'd ever asked to go home? We left.

Sunday: my son woke up after about 8 hours of sleep and spent an additional hour lying around yawning. He was tired during the post-wedding brunch, and less social than the night before. He kept running out of the room and heading for the hotel doors. Once, he actually got into the revolving door and was headed outside (it was automated) while I stood, trapped behind the glass like Obi-Wan Kenobi helplessly watching Darth Maul fight Qui-Gonn in "The Phantom Menace." Fortunately a nice man was there with him, and took his hand and led him right back inside. I gave him a time-out and reasoned with and bribed him, and finally at 11 I gave up and took him back to our room to see if he'd nap. He did. Until 1 p.m., when we went downstairs to find the remainder of my extended family waiting there. They were leaving by car but decided to stay until we were awake (this kinda tells you something about my family). I was forced to take my remaining cousin and leave for the airport early just to make sure everyone else would go home too. We were slightly delayed, just enough that my husband thought we would be late and ended up picking us up some time after we arrived. We went to a soccer game. In the 82nd minute or so, my son started saying "home" again. And so we went home.

I am happy to be home-bound for another month. I'm thinking I ought to initiate an email conversation with all my cousins so that next time we'll know who's coming when. That way I won't have to ask the front desk people to look for any guests who've checked in with Chinese last names.

The Trouble With You and Me

2007-06-28T19:05:00.000-05:00

So we're having trouble trying to get our son to realize the distinctions between the words "you" and "me." If you think about it, it's actually a rather advanced concept. How do we learn this anyway? Since we are only "you" or "me" based on our relative positions to each other, it's kind of difficult to teach him how to use these words properly. And confusing, I imagine. He's started saying "youme" just to cover all the bases.

It doesn't work to point out who "you" and "me" is at any given moment. We're trying to instill the fact in him that he is "me," not "you," but just can't figure out how without a big long explanation that he won't understand anyway. If anyone is reading this blog, I'd love some ideas.

Fitting Room Blues and "Knocked Up"

2007-06-28T16:25:00.000-05:00

My big goal for this week was to find a dress for the wedding this weekend. Of course, I didn't actually succeed until I went to the mall without my baby...thank goodness for the babysitter. Keeping track of him in a fitting room is extremely difficult, especially since he keeps opening the door or crawling out under it. At Target last week, when I was trying on some clothes, he got out and was halfway across the store before I could dress and catch up to him. Of course, the fitting room attendants didn't notice a thing. Yesterday when I took him to Macy's (I know, I hate Macy's and am morally opposed to shopping there, which is how I knew it would end up being the only place I would find a dress after hours of searching so I started there instead) it was a nightmare. I must have sounded like Schizophrenic Mom to others in the dressing room. One second I'd be encouraging him and calling him a good boy, and the next minute I'd get frustrated, call him a bad boy and tell him to stop opening the door while Mommy was changing. Giving him a time out in a dressing room was completely uneffective.

Finally I've got my dress, all I need is to pack for the weekend. Yuck, as my son would say.

Last night my husband and I finally saw a movie. For some reason he wants to see all the touchy-feely dramas and romantic comedies lately. "Knocked Up" was his choice. It was very good--good performances and all that. I'm convinced it was written by a man, though, because the women are all control freaks and make no sense. For example, the guys start making "Back to the Future" references and the women (one of them E! on-air talent) have no clue what they're talking about. Who in this society doesn't know about the DeLorean time machine thing by now? Come on! It's not like they're making obscure cult scifi references or something. And one woman believes her husband is cheating on her, and thinks it's worse that he's actually only playing fantasy baseball. If it were me, I'd be relieved. In fact, every woman I know would be relieved. I felt like the guys in the movie, drugged out stoners though they were, were all more likable and relatable than the chicks.

Anyway, I told my husband that the next movie we see in the theater has to have special effects. Otherwise, no matter how good it is, I'd be happy to wait until it's on cable. I'm thinking either "The Transformers" or the next Harry Potter.

Baby Geniuses

2007-06-25T08:35:00.000-05:00

This article appeared on yahoo.com today. It's about a two-year-old girl who was accepted into Mensa.

I think my son is pretty smart. He's learning lots of words lately and he has pretty good memory retention--he'll remember a game we played a couple of times several months ago, stuff like that. He can count to nine and say most of the alpabet. Recently he's started putting words together into compound words or phrases, like "heavy ball" (a concept he learned himself, since I don't believe I ever said those words together in his presence) and "honeybee." And we all want to think our children are geniuses, right? But I don't think I would ever subject him to an IQ test at this age. It's enough that I think he's intelligent--I really don't need it quantified by a larger body. How do they test for intelligence at age 2 anyway?

I just worry that when you're considered a genius at age 2, there's going to be a lot of pressure on you to do great things when you're older. Especially if you're the kind of parent who gives their kid an IQ test at age 2, seems like you're bound to put academic pressure on your child.

Both my husband and I have higher-than-normal IQs, but I doubt we are Mensa-level. And actually, mine must be lower than I think because I read this news story the other day and I knew shockingly few of the answers myself. I barely remembered that Alan Greenspan was no longer the Fed chair, and I certainly couldn't remember his successor's name. And I am ashamed to admit how long it took me to remember the name of the head justice of the Supreme Court. On the plus side, I also couldn't name the most current "American Idol" winner, so at least I'm completely (and not selectively) ignorant.

The Study of Graphology

2007-06-23T10:05:00.001-05:00

I was reading a celebrity blog (one of my guiltier pleasures) last night after the baby went to bed, and someone had done a handwriting analysis on Paris Hilton. I happen to have a book on graphology, so I decided I would try handwriting analysis on a thank you note someone just sent us--just for fun. To see if the writer was sincere and normal. Just for the record, she is. She may be a little stingy with her time and money, but other than that she's a perfectly efficient, well-adjusted person with an open mind.

Not that I'm an expert or anything. But graphology seems mostly based on common sense, as long as you know what falls into the realm of "normal." I'm itching to find a letter of my mother-in-law's, now, to do an analysis on her. She and my husband fought while I was gone, mostly because she declared out of the blue that she was out of money and then expected him to give her some (she always reminds him and everyone else of how she gave him some money for college when she needed it, but that debt's been paid 62 times over). With her other son, we already pay for most of her major expenses. His response was, well, why don't you sell the house then? Because it's been the plan for her to do this ever since she signed the lease on her little apartment here, and it's been close to a year now I think. Anyway, I thought having a little insight into her mind might help us deal with her better. I feel sorry for her.

I did a handwriting analysis of myself, too. According to what I discovered, I am smart, extroverted, conventional, not great with detail, proud, energetic, optimistic, law-abiding, truthful, future-oriented, moderately expressive, moderately restless, open minded, and have a healthy public self-confidence. I'm also a bit materialistic. Hmm. Some of these qualities are not necessarily the ones I like to associate with myself, but if I were to be honest they're probably correct. I think I would like to find something I wrote 15 years ago and see what that says about me, because I think it would be very different. Maybe I should do one on my husband too...

Blogging From Bed

2007-06-22T13:27:00.000-05:00

Our old laptop was finally fixed, so I get to use it now. It is still making weird noises, however. So I am blogging from my bed, where there is one sleeping baby and one purring kitten lying beside me.

I don't have much to write about today, except to say I'm really annoyed with all the messages Dell keeps sending me in the lower right hand corner of my screen. And there's all this crap I have to do. For one thing, I have to figure out if it's possible to replace my gift card to the On Stage Salon. I got that for my birthday, and it disappeared not more than a week or two later. We've turned this house upside down recently for the carpeting and painting stuff, and apparently the gift card disappeared into thin air. I am actually inclined to think it was stolen by one of the people who worked in our house, because I know exactly where it was (by the computer) and it was never moved by us. Anyway, they told my husband when he bought the card that they could replace it if it got lost, but yesterday when I called they said they couldn't. That's $200! I don't know about you, but I don't like losing that kind of money.

Okay, thinking about all the things I have to do makes me feel like I should be doing them, instead of sitting here writing stuff no one will read. I only hope the baby goes to bed early tonight, because I really need some time alone to relax.

Back to Reality

2007-06-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

We finally got back from our trip yesterday. Technically, we left Kansas City on Monday, then we stayed at a local Sheraton for a couple of days until all the work was done at our house. I have been cleaning ever since I returned--the kitchen floor was covered with dust and debris, and the rooms had to be put back together. And of course, after nine days away from home I had other things that needed doing, plus a pet-sitting job this week.

The Sheraton was a good idea. It's in Arlington Heights and has a waterpark attached, so my son and I were there all day Tuesday. He loved the tipping bucket, as usual, and there was a two-foot deep kids pool with basketball hoops. He would have stayed there all day if I hadn't made him leave to get food and warmth. (I had to get him out whenever his teeth started chattering and his lips turned blue. He didn't like it.) In the afternoon, we were in the pool for two and a half hours straight, except for warmth breaks.

It's a relief to be home, but the place feels a little less like "us," now. Our basement used to be lavender (not our color choice) and our walls down there were covered with photos and Emily the Strange postcards and concert paraphernalia. Now it's a neutral cream color with berber carpet and it looks very, er, basement-y.
Our bedroom was turquoise--again, not our color choice but we liked it. It was always dark in there, but the ceiling was painted with light white streaks for clouds and it felt restful. Now its Windsor Cream. It's not the same. But once our books and DVDs went back up on the shelves it had more of our personality again.

The carpet throughout the house used to be blue. Now it's beige. It makes a big difference. I like it, but it does feel strange still. Now I've lost track of what week the cleaning lady comes--I hope it's tomorrow, so she can vacuum up all the stray carpet bits and such. I'm tempted to do it myself today, but I used up all my babysitting time catching up with stuff I didn't do while I was away. Boy, does this carpet show dirt! Oh, and the carpet people broke our dining room table, which was glass, so that's gone. I'm kind of afraid to think about what else my husband threw out while I was gone.

I was tired of being away-- and tired, just tired in general. I loved being at my mom's house, but I didn't have one second to myself--I was always with my son and my mother, or out with a friend. And I had one book. The whole time. Oh, except for the books we got for my so. And there were other books in the house, but they were mostly yearbooks from high school and junior high and I was getting all maudlin reading them.

My husband was amazed at how different my son was when we returned. He started saying "Mom" and "up or down," and "up we go, down we go" or maybe it's "up wiggle, down wiggle." He was actually singing "up and down" through the airport. He likes saying "Yuck" now. And he counts--up to five, I heard him say today (or was it yesterday?). He would actually say "one, due," before doing things like throwing a ball. He can say the entire alphabet, although his pronunciation isn't perfect, and you have to say the letters first--although sometimes he will precede you and say "R" after you say "Q." It's amazing the things he knows, and more every day.

I'm so glad to be home, even if the changes will take some getting used to.

Greetings from Lawrence, Kansas

2007-06-13T21:21:00.000-05:00

My mother's computer has a dial-up connection, so I can't see myself doing a whole lot of Internet-based stuff from here. Nevertheless, at least I'm not completely cut off. I'm happy to be in my hometown, home of the Jayhawk (see photo), and my mom is thrilled to be spending time with and cooking for the both of us.

I've always loved this place, but coming home has made me realize how suburban middle class I've become. I see a guy in a muscle shirt and I shudder. I see a woman in ratty dreadlocks carrying a baby in a (homemade?) sling and I think, no one on the north shore of Chicagoland would leave the house looking like that. I'm shocked at how sloppy and weathered the moms and some of the kids here look, although I'm sure they're perfectly happy the way they are. I feel positively preppy by comparison. I think, wow, I have so much money compared to these people. Then again, I probably pay a lot more for the necessities of life than they do, and a small amount of money goes further here. That's the tradeoff for my living in such a wealthy area. And everyone is super nice here.

On the one hand, I'm having a harder time finding things for us to do all day. There are a few museums here, but mostly we'd have to travel to Kansas City for that stuff and for chain-store shopping because there is not a single mall in this town (which under most circumstances I would consider a good thing). On the other hand, everything in Lawrence is 15 minutes away at most, so we don't have to go too far to get things we need, and the stores are cool. We discovered a really nice toy store today, and of course it was necessary to go to Sylas and Maddie's for ice cream.

My son is having a good time, at least. And it's good to be home.

Nothing Ever Goes As Planned

2007-06-11T17:38:00.000-05:00

As it turns out, the painters can't come this week after all so we're looking into extending our trip. Which none of us really want to do, but having the baby around with wet paint all over the house is also not a particularly good option.

Meanwhile, I feel like it's been work all the time over here. If I'm not taking care of the baby, I'm packing stuff for storage. A lot of the time I'm packing stuff for storage while I'm taking care of the baby. I felt positively guilty today because I went to a book fair (I love them!) with my son and bought a ton of books. Where am I going to put them? I'm just adding clutter again!

I'm starting to feel bad about all the work my husband has to do while we're gone. Even without the painters here he'll have to move a lot of stuff so the entire house can be carpeted. And he won't even have the baby here to play with when he's stressed out. At least he'll have a friend to hang with, whose wife and daughter are also away this week visiting grandparents.

I wonder how I'll feel when I return and everything's different here.

Meanwhile, on a totally different topic, it's hard to avoid the Paris Hilton debacle, isn't it? It did start getting interesting at one point, when they started wrangling over legal issues. Anyway, I liked this post I saw on it. I'm not one of those people who thinks our values and morals are going to hell in a handbasket, but I do get a little distressed by the prevalence of celebrity worship.